Wednesday, November 27, 2013


To those who celebrate Turkey Day tomorrow, Happy Thanksgiving. To everyone, everywhere, thanks for stopping in to my small corner of the internet each day. I am thankful for each of you!

(Gavin, Scarlett, and Simon)

I thought I'd share my kiddos' recipes for cooking a turkey. I may be biased, but I think they're pretty damn funny. Enjoy!!

First, you chop the head off. Then you put salt on it. After it, then you go to the sour part. And then, you put it in the oven, and turn it on hot. You cook it for 10 hours. Then you eat it.

Get the turkey at the woods. You have to shoot the turkey. Take the feathers off. You have to cut them off. You could take the feathers off with your hands. Pull them really hard. Then you have to cook it in the oven. I don't know how long though. Maybe you should call my mommy and tell her how long it will take. My mommy's number is 4&*-@#$!. When it is done you have to take it out of the oven. You put it on the Thanksgiving table and eat it. My mommy also makes cranberries and she will make some potatoes for Daddy!

You can but it from a store like Target by the food. Put it in the car. It will already be dead. Put it in the trunk because if you put it in the front you will have no space to drive. If it's cold you have to cook it. Put salt on it and pepper. There will be one foot sticking out but don't eat it because it will probably have bones in it. I think that's all. Put it in the oven and put the timer on for 10 minutes for 8 degrees. Check the timer and see what time it is. Put a little more salt on it, too. You can eat it with baked beans and potatoes or you can wait until Thanksgiving but  you will have to put it in the refrigerator. Then you would have to warm it up again.


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Mooost Uncomfortable Paaaants In the Wooooorrrrrllld...

Sure, they may be cute, but don't let that fool you. These are hands down the most uncomfortable pants in the world. Maybe even in the history of pants.

Maybe it's because they are that Olsen line that JC Penney's carries, and they're actually made for an Olsen-sized person, which means someone who weighs roughly 30 pounds less than me.

Maybe it's because the night before I wore them, I had been to boot camp, and my abs were SCREAMING in misery, so the elastic band at the top cut me right at the point where they were most sore.

Hear me now and believe me later when I tell you that at work, I just rolled them down and let my muffin top hang all over the place.

That was only SLIGHTLY more comfortable than just wearing them pulled all the way up.

I should probably also mention that I was at work by myself at that point.

Come on - I wouldn't do THAT to my co-workers.

Shirt: F21
Pants: JC Penney
Boots: Zara
Necklace: Gift


Thursday, November 21, 2013

Random (p)Inspiration: Follow the Call of the Disco Ball

SOMEONE has two thumbs and has been pinning like a muthaf#cka lately, and it's THIS guy. What was my pin of choice this week? Disco balls. I'm pretty sure at some point in the midst of my disco ball frenzy on Tuesday, someone out there on my feed was all, WE GET IT - YOU LIKE DISCO BALLS, NOW LAY OFF CRAZY McSHINYPANTS.

I feel like I need to explain myself. I'm not sure how long I have been obsessed with disco balls, but it IS one of my routine searches on Craigslist, along with "Longhorn steer skull," and "card catalog." That, my friends, is a true story. On Tuesday, I was in Hobby Lobby on my lunch hour, and they had the most EXCELLENT Christmas wreath that looked like it was composed of tiny, champagne colored disco balls. For $80. EIGHTY DOLLARS is too much money for a disco ball Christmas wreath, I said to myself, so I found similar supplies which are still sitting in my garage as we speak, but I intend to get my craft on sometime this weekend to make one for my front door. And then, lo and behold, on my way to the check out counter, I found a big disco ball. We're not talking 2' in diameter disco ball - that would be the MOTHER LOAD of balls, but it was probably 10" in diameter. For $7.50. SEVEN FIFTY, kids. Needless to say, it is also sitting in my garage, and I'm going to have el hubby-o hang it in the corner of our living room this weekend, where it will wait patiently until I find possibly two more to cluster with it. Oh yes, I SAID TWO MORE. 

If I REALLY had balls (see what I did there?) I'd hang an entire ceiling full, like in one of the coolest places I ever visited - the G Hotel in Galway, Ireland. Check this shit out:

Okay - they're not ACTUALLY disco balls, but they COULD be. Let's look at a shit ton of OTHER disco inspirations, mmmmkay?

NOBODY puts disco in the corner. Except this guy, along with a freaking AMAZING hot pink velvet egg-chair.

I believe you know how I feel about mixing rustic with modern. That goes double for disco.

Disco kids room? Sign me up!

Disco fireplace with tiny stuffed fawn? Weird, slightly creepy, but discoriffic.

Turn on the Bee Gee's, move that damn chaise, and shake yo GROOVE THANG.

It's disco! It's Buddha! It's two great tastes that taste great together!!

Disco stair risers? HELLZ YES.

And just for you? 



Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Help In the Bedroom

I need help in the bedroom, ya'll.

Not THAT kind of help. Sheesh - get your dirty minds out the gutter!! I need your opinions on changing my bedding to something more wintery. This is what it looks like now:

It's not bad - I love our furniture, but it's the bedding that is WAH WAAAAAH to me. I don't mind all white for summer, but I want something more for the fall and cold winter months.

Here's where you come in. Please weigh in - give me your suggestions on what you would add/subtract from our current situation. I keep thinking I would like something ethnic - a kantha quilt, or suzani print, or something like that. Even a large knit plaid throw. The wall behind our bed is charcoal, and the rest of the walls are a lighter grey - same in the bafroom. Because the walls are neutral, I'm open to color suggestions for the bedding. Our curtains are an ivory silk dupioni, and they could change for the season too. Here are some deets from the rest of the room and our master bath:

Deer antlers from a deer my dad got when I was a kid. Being repurposed as a jurrey holder.

Foo dawgs on the nightstand, yo.

Buddha-turned-'nother jurrey holder.

So please - give me some ideas. Links are always welcome. Please and thank ye kindly!


Monday, November 18, 2013

Hot and Cold

Warning: Photo-heavy post ahead.

Okay - maybe not HOT exactly, but warm, especially for November. Tom took these pics of the kids on Saturday, when it was almost 70 degrees.

Contrast that with the pics of me, taken last Monday, when it was about, ohhhh, 15 degrees when I left for work.

These pics of the kids are possibly my favorites ever taken.

I love this photo so much. They just look so joyful, and it makes me happy to look at it.

And this outfit was a mish-mash of printed items I grabbed, knowing I was going to be FREEZING in my office at work. I actually loved how it turned out.

Guh. So precious it kills me dead.

I picked that giant sweater up at the thrift store last year. IT'S A LIZ. Clairborn, that is. For my friends and family who know my mom, they know that Liz is the PINNACLE of high fashion to her. All I know is this ginormous sweater - possibly from Liz's "Big and Tall" collection - is a cocoon of cozy.

Speaking of cocoon...check out THAT coverage.

And those boots? El CHEAPOS from an online retailer who I don't think is around anymore. But they're lined in a thin faux fur, and SOOOO toasty.

Miley Cyrus has NOTHING on Scarlett, ya'll.

Why am I clenching my fists here? Am I trying to fart? Possibly.


You can kinda sorta see my necklace - a scarab that I scored from a garage sale a few years ago.

Happy Monday, yo.

Linked up here.

Sweater: Thrifted, Liz Clairborn, XL
Striped shirt: JC Penney
Pantalones: Target
Boots: El cheapos, ZooShoo
Necklace: Garage sale


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Monster In My Head

The monster in my head kept me up last night. You know the one. It tells you you're not quite good enough. My monster usually talks about my parenting skills. My monster looks like one of those girls who, when they meet you for the first time, do so with a posture. You know the one. Arms crossed, looking down their nose at you, giving you the look of barely disguised disgust as their eyes travel from your head to your feet and back again.

That's what my monster looks like. And she says things like - "You didn't read to the kids ONCE in the past few days???" and my voice answers quietly, "But I went through site words with them several times."

My monster says, "Couldn't you have done some craft with the kids?" and my voice answers quietly, "But I took them to the new park, and when we got home, jumped on the trampoline with them."

My monster says, "Pffft. Not to mention, you have not been to the gym to work out in TWO WEEKS," and I say, "But Tom has been traveling off and on for two weeks, it's not as easy to get there."

"Yes," my monster answers, "But you could have worked out AT HOME."

My monster says, "And really, did you have to go COMPLETELY off the rails when two of the kids cut their hair this weekend?"

"In my defense," my voice answers, "I DID pull myself together pretty quickly for me, and I apologized to them and explained rationally why they can't put scissors to their hair or clothing. And I hugged them and told them I loved them no matter what they ever did, and I always would."

My monster went on and on and one, but thankfully, I was finally able to go back to sleep at 4:30, and get one more hour in before the alarm went off.

Hopefully my monster will be taking the night off tonight. Just once. And if not, I'll sick this guy on him:

Linked here.

Pants: TJ Maxx
Boots: Target
Shirt: QuikSilver


Monday, November 11, 2013

It's A Sweatpants Kind of Day

I call this look: "First Day of Fun Lady Time And I'm Wearing Sweatpants To Work."

And this hair look? Is called: "Apparently The Older I Get, The More My Hair Looks Like The Pretty Woman Perm I Had Circa 1988."

But this time? I don't have to pay for it.

For realz. I swear, all I did to my hair this particular day was wash it and then use a diffuser to dry it. I didn't have to go back with my curling iron at all. It's kind of nice. And strangely, I believe I got 4 days out of it before I washed it again.

Don't hate me because my hurr is dirty.

Pantalones: F21
Tee and vest: Target
Jacket: Consignment
Boots: Zara