Monday, April 29, 2013

The Times They Are A Changin...

What a weekend. On Thursday night, we took the kiddos to Kindergarten roundup. I cannot believe it is already time to send them to school. It seems like yesterday I looked like this:

WOWSERS. How's THAT for a Monday morning??? Aye carumba!!!

Ahhhh, those were the days. When I couldn't lay on my back without passing out. True story.

We got to tour their school, which I LOVE and was built in 1940 and has TONS of charm and character and I do NOT remember kindergarten rooms being quite so cool as they were in this building.

Seriously? When did we go from this:

To this?

(The kids just before their preschool graduation last week.)

It has gone in the blink of an eye.

On Friday night we attended their Spring Sing program and preschool graduation. Before I know it, they're going to be smoking cigars and drinking scotch out on the back porch.

I kid, I kid. They've already done that. How ELSE would we spend our Sundays?

Linked up here.

Jacket: NY&Co
Tee: F21
Jeans: Zara
Shoes: Target
Short Necklace: TJ Maxx
Long Necklace: Threadsence


Thursday, April 25, 2013

Potty Talk

Did you ever get a fit of the giggles in a completely inappropriate place (church or work or church) and just could NOT pull yourself together?

And does anyone else wonder why I look like I'm trying to fart in the photo above? Me neither...

Yesterdaaaaay, all my troubles seemed so faaar awaaaayyyy....oh, wait, that's another post. YESTERDAY, thanks to Amy Bo Bamy and Jason Good, I had to give myself a time out in the restroom at work. 

Here's a snippet of Jason Good's latest post: Three Simple Rules For Internet Commenters: 
3. Don't take everything seriously. If you do, I might respond. 
This was in response to a post about all the ridiculous things you’ll do when you become a parent, like let someone watch you crap while they stare blankly eating a popsicle, or cut up a grape, or almost agree to cut up a raisin. I’m sure you meant well, GOODDOC1 (who was apparently beat to the name by GOODDOC), but  I’ve never cut up a grape. I was kidding! Actually, I wasn’t–I’ve totally cut up a grape, but…ugh, see why I get so upset? I’m sure my response was met with utter confusion. At least, I hope it was. EYE OF THE PANTHER!

It was the line about letting someone watch you crap while they stare blankly at you eating a popsicle that did me in. IT'S FUNNY CUZ IT'S TRUE. Please go here to read the whole thing, and if you have never read Mr. Good before, do yourself a flavah and READ HIM, espesh if you're a parent. Side-splittingly, accidentally fart funny.

So then, while I was already trying to stifle the giggles, Amy messaged me with a link to a Harvard Med Education site about prepping for a colonoscopy. What? She likes to do a little light reading now and then, SO WHAT?

This is just a bit of what she sent:

Amy: I found my new band name in it: High Velocity Diarrhea
 me: cuz a colon blow is a laugh RION.
 Sorry - I misspelled when I read your band name.
 Amy: It's hilarious and totally serious.
 me: then PLEASE send it.
Amy: Pick up some medicated wipes (for example, Tucks or adult wet wipes with aloe and vitamin E) and a skin-soothing product such as Vaseline or Desitin — you’re going to be experiencing high-volume, high-velocity diarrhea.
 me: okay, stop.
  right now.
  I have staff meeting in 7 minutes.
 Amy: Wear loose clothing, and stay near the bathroom. Better yet, once the preparation starts to work, stay in the bathroom — because when the urge hits, it’s hard to hold back. Consider setting up shop near the toilet with music, your laptop, magazines, or books.
Arrange for the time and privacy you need to complete the prep with as little stress as possible. Clear your schedule, and be at home. If you have children or aging parents who need attention, have someone else be available to them while you’re indisposed.
me: I'm done. stopped reading. had to go to the bathroom and collect myself.
 Amy: have a good meeting!
 me: I WILL go back when I get home and read what you sent thoroughly though. With a Tuck's medicated pad.
Amy: Jesus be a Tuck's right now.
....annnnnnd SCENE. 
Linked here.
Jacket/Necklace/Tee: TargetJeans/Boots: Zara

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Random Schmandom

First, we're gonna take a trip in the way-back machine and reminisce, and then I'm going to talk about something completely different, and then I'm going to bitch about a craptastic tv show. Let's do this, bitchez.

Speaking of baseball tee's, let's chat about the one I scored at the T-Shirt Shop circa 1980-something. It had red sleeves and a photo of Tom Selleck ironed onto the front. I'm pretty sure I hit up the SpacePort arcade after I picked that bad-boy up.

Awwww YEAH.

When I was single and ready to mingle, I had my share of dates with kooks courtesy of the online dating pool, but one of the worst was a blind-date setup that had nothing to do with online dating – a guy who worked at the Lay’s Potato Chip plant in the area, and he picked me up wearing his Lay’s jacket – subtract points for that – and then proceeded to talk about his ex all night long and how much he loved drinking – and that was that.

At what point should I be concerned about my kids' imaginary playmates? Their names are Boney's Blood and Barfy the Clown. I can't make this stuff up, jive turkeys. Well, I COULD, but with the wealth of material at my disposal everyday, I don't have to.

Do you ever watch a show that you have committed to for almost an entire season, and by "show" let's say it is "The Following," and realize that every character is the biggest dumb-ass you have ever seen? And you hate them so much that by the episode just before the season finale, you WANT said characters to die? And you vow that once you see said finale, you will NEVER watch said show again? 

Yeah, me neither.

EDITED to add: Kevin Bacon, you're better than that.

Linked up here,  here and here.

Tee: StyleMint
Skirt: Consignment
Shoes: Target
Necklaces: World Market
Bracelets: F21


Monday, April 22, 2013

Three Things and Then Some

Three things: 
a) Ya'll are going to get sick of seeing this jacket, but get used to it, cuz it's my new favorite thing, and as long as it's still cool enough to wear it, Imma wear it.

b) Why am I dressed like it's winter here? Cuz it was 40 fucking degrees this day, which is WAY TOO COLD for the back-end of April.

c) Exactly what kind of shirt are you WEARING, Shan, I hear you asking? I'll tell you, and Amy and Natty Lite will back me up - only the most COMFY sweatshirt in the known universe. Seriously peeps, Amy found it in the sleep section at TJ Maxx - it's Cynthia Rowley, and I encourage you to post haste to your own Maxx and pick one up if they still have them. It's like wearing tiny, magic little kittens all over one's body.

Other random stuff:

THANK YOU BOSTON POLICE. You rock. I was waaaay too obsessed with news coverage on Friday, and even tried to listen to talk radio in my car for coverage but the shit that was on the radio was, well, shit, so I had to turn it.

Seriously - Reece Witherspoon got a DUI??? Who'd have thunk??!!!@!

As my friend Carrie said on Facebook - "she really IS one of us..."
(well, except for the run in with the law and boatloads of money and the "Don't you know who I AMMMMM???!!!!" to the police, but other than that...)

Jacket: Consignment
Sweatshirt: Cynthia Rowley, TJ Maxx
Jeans: F21
Boots: Zara
Scarf: Gift


Thursday, April 18, 2013

Good Times

Sometimes I try on an outfit and love it until I see it in photos, and sometimes I'm all "Meh" about it, see it in pics, and then love it. This one is the latter of the two.

I love it even more, because my favorite component of the outfit, the black leatha motorcycle jacket - was $40 on consignment.

And even MO betta? Was the $299 original price tag I pulled out of the pocket when I got home. Awwwww YEAH.

And THAT is why I shop consignment and thrift, jive turkeys. 

Sigh. That little quilting detail on the shoulders kills me.

Hey - there's my Kate Young for Target arrow to the heart necklathe. How YOU doin...

Old pantalones that are muy comfortable. Shoes...not so much, but what you DIDN'T see is that later in the day when I realized it was colder than a witch's tit in a brass brawr, I changed into the only other shoes I had with me - my purple and neon orange Nike's. Didn't look QUITE as right as the silver ones, but comfort and warmth prevailed.

And that, my friends, is how a new favorite ensemble is born. Good Times.

Jacket: Consignment (originally Macy's)
Tee: Nordstrom's Rack
Pants: Old Navy
Shoes: Target
Necklace: Kate Young for Target


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Shine On, You Crazy Diamond

You know what we're doing today, kids? We're talking about stupid stuff, because there is WAY too much real-life stupid stuff going on in the world right now, so how does Shannan deal with it?

a) By talking about herself in the third person
b) By talking about stupid stuff
c) By drinking Mad Dog 20/20 and Boone's Farm cocktails
d) All of the above

So what you're getting today, kids, is a random smattering of completely random, somewhat illogical thoughts that have popped into my brain (and which I just mis-typed as pooped into my brain - same dif). Get ready to live.

If you're keeping score, I still loathe open-toed booties with every fiber of my being. I just don't get it. If it's cold enough for booties, I don't want my toes sticking out. Call me crazy. Just don't call me late for dinner, and DO NOT, under any circumstances, play Call Me, Maybe.

I like to think of Emmy Rossum as the Non-Annoying Anne Hathaway. True story.

I don't know if my office building is a real-life-size roach motel, but I'm beginning to think so, cuz every day for the past few days whenever I walk in there are random roaches scattered around on their backs, slowly dying, waving their tiny feet feebly while I just watch and laugh. Okay, I don't really laugh, but the rest is true. Hey, at least it's not like that time when my co-worker backed up her chair to go to the copier and rolled over a mouse. THAT, folks, is a gen-u-wine, Grade-A, gross-but-true story. And don't think there wasn't a good amount of screaming that followed.

Someone has two thumbs, tingly lady bits, and just watched Shame the other night, and it's THIS guy. And ya'll? I FINALLY GET THE HYPE about Michael Fassbender. I also think Fassbender is a name that is prime to be porn-starred. Here:

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

I also feel like Michael Fassbender and Joaquin Phoenix need to do a movie as brothers.

My Fountains of Wayne Pandora station is currently my faves. It's as happy as an orange slice. Speaking of orange slices, here is a convo I had with the kids the other night, after getting onto Simon for telling a lie:

Simon: I was just joking.
Me: No you weren't, you purposely told a lie when Mommy asked you a question.
Gavin: Yeah, jokes are about fruit.
Me: They're about fruit????
Gavin: Yeah, like "Knock-knock, who's there? Me. Aren't you glad we have oranges in the house?"
Me: Laughing, That is the BEST. JOKE. EVER. 

Clearly he was channeling the old "orange you glad I didn't say banana" knock-knock classic, with a bit of a spin on it.

Wearing red makes me happy. 

Finally, if I could leave you with one random thought, it would be that dreams where one is making out with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson do NOT suck. 

Source: via {MIKE} on Pinterest

Happy Hump Day, peeps.

I cannot BELIEVE no one has commented here to get a free Lendperk dress for 9 days. Come ON - NO ONE can use a cute dress on the free???? Get to commenting, people!!

Linked up here.

Jacket: Thrifted, with DIY studded shoulders
Dress: TJ Maxx
Shoes: Target
Bracelets: F21?
Necklace: Jennifer Zeuner


Tuesday, April 16, 2013

For Boston

I cannot watch the news. I don't want to see footage. I know enough that I am just weary of it. Patton Oswald says it best:
"Boston. Fucking horrible.
I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity." 
But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths. 
But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness. 
But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago. 
So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."

Be the light. Love one another.


Monday, April 15, 2013

La La La La Lendperk!

About a week before our girls' trip to The Lou, I was contacted by Lendperk to see if I was interested in a free 9-day trial. If you're not familiar with Lendperk, it's a dress rental company from whence one can rent adorable cocktail dresses for a minimum amount of moo-lah.

Since I knew I would be tempted to go and buy a new dress for girls' weekend, the email from Lendperk came in the nick of time. I browsed the selection and chose this Project Alabama Goldleaf cocktail dress. 

Check a better picture of it here. I fully admit we were too busy getting ready to go get our drank on to stop and take better pics.

Cute, huh?!

I love the idea of renting a cute dress for the short term (it's $20 to sign up for a month), and would totally do it again if and when I need one. Which will probably be when the kids graduate from high school in 12 years.

In any case, it was super duper easy, great value for what you get, and better still? Lendperk is giving one of YOU the opportunity to try it out for a free 9 day trial as well. So. Make sure you're a follower of MBB, then leave me a comment telling me which dress is your favey fave. On Friday, I'll randomly select a winner-winner-chicken-dinner. That's it!

Happy Monday, yo.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

ShaNatAmy, Part Trois

Get ready for a buttload of photos.

Here's the fastest recap of last weekend's Girls' Weekend Part Three. We came, we drank, we ate, we shopped. Somewhere in there we met the best cab-driver ever, Jerry Mutha-Fuckin Washington, and learned that Natasha was an atheist. Of sorts. I love these chicks.


Yesterday, we had this conversation:

Subject: I have a probs
From: Amy 
To: Shannan, Natasha 

I cannot stop wearing my new comfy shirt from the Maxx and am already thinking I need to go to the Maxx here and hope of all hopes they have them so I can get spares. 

(Latte from Half & Half)

From: Natasha 
To: Amy, Shannan 

I've worn my polka dot shirt two days IN.A.ROW. 
It, too, is by our BFF Cynthia so it makes sense. 

(Natasha and Amy, aka Gorgeous Girls) 

From: Amy 
To: Natasha, Shannan 

Cynthia Motherfucking Rowley

(There is a story involving a tooth behind this photo that is too long to go into)

From: Natasha 

To: Amy, Shannan 
That Fancy Bitch.

From: Natasha 
To: Amy, Shannan 

Guess what I'm wearing today???? Hint: it's not the polka dots. 

(Blackberry French Toast with Mascarpone? YES PLEASE. I'll take a Bloody Mary and a Mimosa to go wif, pease.)

 (Wearing a sweater I scored at The Scholar Shop - the best dang consignment shop this side of the Mississippi)


From: Amy 
To: Natasha, Shannan 

Are you SO comfortable?

From: Shannan 
To: Amy, Natasha 
SO comfortable. And Amy, you'll be happy to know that I washed my sweater when I got home.

From: Amy 
To: Shannan, Natasha 
oh thank that spiritual being that lives inside natasha

From: Natasha 
To: Amy, Shannan 

Said Spiritual being told me to tell you "you're welcome." 

From: Shannan 
To: Natasha, Amy I would love to state how much I appreciate said spiritual being's proper use of "you're."

From: Natasha 
To: Shannan, Amy B
You don't need to. They already know. 

From: Shannan 
To: Natasha, Amy Ya'll know this whole conversation is going into the blog tomorrow, right?

From: Amy 
To: Shannan, Natasha 
Duh. we're going to exhaust ourselves patting each other on the back mentally. we need to tap out eventually for a breather. 

From: Shannan 
To: Amy, Natasha

In the words of Freddie Mercury, "Weeeee are the champions, my friends...."
orrrr in the words of my kids, "Weeeee are the chaplins, my friends...."


Linked up here and here.

Sweater: The Scholar Shop (consignment)
Jeans, Necklace: TJ Maxx
Boots: Zara
Earrings: Standard Style Boutique