Monday, August 5, 2013

Open Letters

Dear People At the Gym:
WHY ARE YOU TALKING ON THE PHONE WHILE I'M TRYING TO WORK OUT???? This goes for you, tatted-up girl with the blond ponytail. And you, middle aged man sitting on the adductor machine. But mostly, I'm talking to you, girl, who is moving from machine to machine (each one I am getting ready to use), and texting. Yes, while you're on the leg press, and the leg curl. Or even in the corner I was going to use to do crunches. Seriously. WHY ARE YOU AT THE GYM if you are only there to text??? Go home to do that. SOME of us are there to actually, you know, WORK OUT.

Sincerely,
Put It Away


Dear Dude At Target,
Yes, I need two carts to push all three of my kids. I apologize that my mom, my kids and I took up your precious time maneuvering the shoe aisle. And the snotty comment you made about getting your own cart next time so you could take up the entire aisle helped move us along that much faster. Might I suggest that if you don't want to deal with mothers pushing their kids in carts, you wait until midnight and hit up Wal Mart. In Anchorage.

Sincerely,
Kiss My Ass


Dearest Dairy Milk Chocolate with Fruit and Nuts,
Would you go steady with me? Yes ____ No ____ Maybe ____

Love,
Your Number One Fan


Dear Keef,
I miss you. Sigh.

Love and Kisses,
Your Newest Stalker


Dear Husband,
Get off the damn phone so we can watch Dexter, for the love of Flip Wilson!!!

Love,
Me



Dear Popcorn,
You bastard, you. Always getting stuck in my toof, that one in the back that has a bigger than normal gap, causing me to have to chase you with dental floss. You KNOW I hate to floss. I have my eye on you.

Get ta Gettin.
The Management



Jacket: Costa Blanca
Tee: The Garment District
Jeans: F21
Shoes: Vicky's Secret
Belt: Thrifted
Earrings: Standard Style Boutique

Merci,
Shan

3 comments:

DLStinedurf said...

You are too funny! Love, love, love this outfit...the jacket is gorgeous and REO Speedwagon...absolute coolness!
Debbie :)
www.fashionfairydust.blogspot.com

missy said...

Why can't she text while she's on the machine? Maybe she can walk & chew gum at the same time.

Why is it ok for you to take up an entire aisle without allowing anyone to pass, yet you are the one who gets annoyed?

Really?

MerciBlahBlah said...

Missy - because she wasn't USING the machine. Only sitting on it to text. So clearly, she cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. And had I known dude was trying to pass me, I would have let him. So, yes - REALLY.