Wednesday, August 14, 2013

An Open Letter to My Kids

Wow – who’d have thunk? FIVE years have passed since I sat on bed rest in the hospital for 8 weeks. Five years in which you have grown from 4 pounders swathed tightly inside your baby bird incubators to my big kids that I can hardly keep up with. My three little birds. Gavin, Simon, and Scarlett. And now? You’re headed to school. I can’t believe it, and now that the first day is here, I am anxious, my chest is tight, and tears cloud my eyes.

Had I written this a year ago, I would have said – “Yeah, I’m ready for them to go,” and if, by some chance, kindergarten started with 3 year olds, I would have gladly paid someone to pick you up and take you there. Oy vey.

But not now. Now, I want you to myself just a little bit longer, selfishly. I want to hold you tight, as you struggle to break free of my arms, giggling in those crazy little belly laughs that I love so much.

Gavin, my Gavie Doodle. The one I think looks most like me. My charmer. The boy who always wakes up with a smile. Who hugs me tight and threatens, when he gets in trouble, “Mommy, I won’t be your best boy anymore…” but you will. The boy who claps his hands over his ears when I ask him to apologize to his brother or sister for doing something ornery, “I’m not going to listen to myself saying sorry – that’s so EMBARRASSING.” My sweet boy.

Simon, my silly, sweet Simon. The tough boy who is really tender on the inside, like a chocolate covered cream filled candy. My boy who puts 110% into everything he does, meticulously, just like his Daddy. Whether it is drawing a picture or helping clean up or making his bed. My boy who takes longer to wake up than his bubbie or sissie, and likes to sit on Mommy’s lap when he gets out of bed. How much longer will you sit on my lap? Not long enough, I fear, my sweet boy.

Scarlett, my independent spirit. My girl who is such a Daddy’s girl, but who wants Mommy when she gets sick. Who dances with those crazy curls bouncing around her head. My girl who declares at least once a day – “I WISH I was a boy.” My girl who can be a tough nut to crack, but once you do, she is in your heart forever, my sweet girl.

So, to you three - who are ALL my best boys and best girl, before I release you to a whole new world of wonder and knowledge and new friends and fun and excitement and a little fear (on your part) and a hell of a LOT of fear on my part, before those that you get to know will get the pleasure to know you – be so LUCKY to know you, I would just say this: Make your own way in this world. Don’t let people tell you how to act or who to be or what to think or how to dress. You three, who spent what seemed like an ETERNITY cramped together in my belly, you three are SPECIAL. Not everyone is lucky enough to have the bond that you have with each other. And what makes you special makes you unique. Revel in it. Be your own people. I know how precious you all are, and Daddy knows. You can do whatever you want in life. It may not be easy, and you may have to fight to get there. You may climb mountains to get there, but the thing is – YOU CAN. You can, my three little birds. Make your own way. Protect each other. Love each other. Be kind. Be fearless. Be honest. Be accepting. Be patient. Be curious. Revel in the journey, like Willy Wonka says, “There’s no earthly way of knowing, which direction we are going. There’s no knowing where we’re rowing, or which way the river’s flowing…”

It doesn’t always matter if you don’t know which way you’re going, just reach for that golden bar of chocolate, and savor it. And if there is not a direct path there, then make your own way. Fly on, my three little birds.

I love you with all my heart. 


courtnee said...

So sweet! I may have cried a little and not just because I'm hopped up on fertility drugs;)

Paula said...

So, so sweet! The Trips are a lucky bunch!

Zahra Sandberg said...

Truly a sweet letter! I am holding back sniffles in my cubical right now. I love how you expressed your feeling and I can totally relate! I am sure this will be appreciated by them when they get older and start scrolling through your archives!