Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Real WHAT of the WHERE?

I feel like I look a bit like a Real Housewife in this getup, with my bling and (fake) leather and bad weave. Okay, I'm not REALLY wearing a weave, but those fried out ends look like the O.C. Special. Thank HEBBINS I have a hurr appointment tomorrow.

Here's a question for ya: WHY does Andy Cohen ALWAYS try to turn one of the Housewives into a singer? Seriously. If it's not Countess Luann, or Kim Zolciaaaaakkkk#$%#%$#, it's Gretchen Boo-tay.

SOME people (aka Amy Bo Bamy), disagree, howevah, as evidenced by our email exchange yesterday...

Amy: I don't care WHAT you say, Shannan. Gretchen Rossi has the voice of an angel. An angel, I tell you. And, the lips of a swollen vag. But, I guess you can't have it all. 

Shan: You're my forever love, Slade Smiley.

Amy: I can't with that name.

Shan: And what is UP with the spackle that she puts on her face? All of them, for that matter? It drives me NUTS. I mean, I realize they have to wear more makeup for television, but do they REALLY need to look like drag queens? Blargh.

Amy: They literally look like street artist caricatures of themselves. It's very alarming.

ALARMING indeed. As I stand here in flaming red lips. But STILL I'm wearing about 9.75 pounds less makeup than the average Housewife. And you know who else I CAN'T with? Vicky Gunnvalson. And even more so? Her disgusting creep of a boyfriend Brooks. I have never seen someone who is completely fluent in cliche until Brooks slithered into the O.C. I have a visceral reaction every time I see him...YUCK. It is the opposite reaction I have whenever I see Heather's husband Terry, who I personally believe may be the best House Husband since Don Gunnvalson. 

Oh no I din't. Oh yes, I did. I went there, Miz SGM, if you're reading this....

Linked here and here.

Top/Shoes: Target
Pants: TJ Maxx
Necklace: Charming Charlie's



Sarah said...

Hilarious. I think you look awesome! I just invested in a "leather" dress which I plan to wear to my husbands 40th. The inlaws probably won't approve. I think Gretchen wears so much makeup b/c her skin is terrible. Sad but true.

MerciBlahBlah said...

Yes, but is her skin terrible because of her makeup line? Even MORE sad but (possibly) true...

Zahra Sandberg said...

Swollen VAG???? LOL omg you never cease to amaze. Love and agree with every bit of your commentary on the Housewives. Also love your look today - I will be copying this exact look soon, okay?

Have a great weekend!


Carrie Teal said...

You always make me smile with your fabulous sense of humor. I love your outfit and I think your hair looks great. If I had long hair I would want my ends to look the same.


Nikki said...

Your musings seriously crack me up. HILARS you are. :) Brooks is a total sleeze bucket. I seriously hope they're romance is fake for the show because if that was my real-life boyfriend. ICK. Oh and dig the outfit - like always :)
Nikki at

heidi said...

i just drove like a crazy person to various targets looking for this top. you wholly inspired me to pull the trigger.