Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Notes to Self.

Do not wear a neoprene "scuba" dress to work. In the summer. On a day when it is supposed to be 90 degrees. Or, for that matter, on a day when it is supposed to be 30 degrees. 

Especially do not wear it after you have applied self-tanner in the morning.

Please make special note that previously-applied self tanner will smell like something rubbery is baking in self-tanner. It will also run and streak from the sweat that is streaming down one's mid-section, which is swathed tightly in a scuba/saran wrap/sausage-like encasing, leaving one's legs with a strange, zebra-esque self-tanner + pasty white design.

It is a good thing that the neoprene is water resistant. If it weren't, I'm pretty sure there would appear on my torso, like the Shroud of Turin, a giant happy face made from boob and belly sweat. 

For the love of Charo - I cannot stop looking at the clock. It's 2:42 p.m. Is that too early to change into my post-gym clothing? Are grey and neon yellow striped bike shorts, a neon yellow brawr top and a see-through-ish tank work appropriate? I would be wearing them with my black Nike's, and don't black shoes always bump up the formal factor?

I JUST WANT TO RIP THIS DAMN DRESS OFF!!!! I hope to God I'm not going to have to utilize baby powder, a la Ross Geller and his leather pants on Friends.

I'm starting to feel very claustrophobic. If you need me, I'll be rocking gently back and forth in the corner. Hold me.

Two words that are imperative to remember when debating whether to wear said scuba dress in the future? Crotch Soup. 

Look, I cannot deny the cute-factor of the scuba dress, and thank ThredUp with every fiber of my being for this, my Day Three ThredUp Used Clothing Challenge entry. I should probably also thank ThredUp for the 3 pounds that I have sweated away whilst wearing said scuba dress.

Linked here and here.

Dress: Cynthia Rowley for Roxy, courtesy of ThredUp
Shoes: Target
Bracelets: F21 and gifts



Zahra Sandberg said...

Once again I'm completely disgusted and cracking up at the same time - lol! Funny bc I'm going to a beyonce concert and it's a million degrees here and I considered wearing a similar dress but now I will not! Thank you for saving me a lot of discomfort!


Paula said...

Um, wow... I just spit my coffee out after reading crotch soup! Bah! Sorry this happened to you, but oh so glad you made this PSA available to the rest of us.

Suzanne Carillo Style Files said...

So gross. So scary. So funny.


oomph. said...

i KNOW this feeling. not from wearing a neoprene dress, but when i wear a particular pair of denim leggings for too long. i get that restless leg syndrome feeling and can't wait to strip them off and free my legs. you look bad ass, tho!
$100 Lulu & Georgia GIVEAWAY
$150 Stitch Fix GIVEAWAY

DLStinedurf said...

OMG...killing me! Too funny! The dress is cute, but so not worth the ickiness factor...ha!
Debbie :)