Why is it so bloody difficult to find a one-piece swimsuit that doesn't (A) look like I'm heading to the gym to get my water aerobics on with my fellow octogenarians, (B) have crazy mono-kini cutouts, or (C) have a price tag upwards of $200?
I will be the first to admit that I am UBER picky when it comes to picking a swimsuit, particularly a one piece. For some reason, even after having a tummy tuck, it is easier to find a bikini that looks better on me. Here are the things I don't want: a tankini - aka the Guess Who's A Mom Suit?!! I get it. I have one. I just don't like it, and I bought the one I have under duress, because it was pre-tuck. What else don't I want? Low-cut legs. I'm short, and I have short legs, so a higher cut on the boo-tay looks better on me. Unfortch, unless I want one that looks like this:
...they seem to be few and far between. Incidentally, I do NOT want a suit that looks like that.
I also prefer a halter neckline on me, but most of those seem to have a massively plunging neckline that my boobs would pop out of immediately, as I have kids who would no doubt cling and pull said plunge asunder faster than you can say David Hasselhoff.
I don't want a suit that looks like I'm on the swim team at my local high school either, thankuverymuch.
Finally - I would LOVE to find a tribal print that doesn't break my bank (damn you and your amazing expensive suits, Mara Hoffman!!), like this one:
Sadly, it is cost-prohibitive for this girl.
I am WELL AWARE that I am muy picky, but I have found a few suits that fit my bill. I have looked at Vicky's Secret, Threadsence, Nordstrom, Nasty Gal, Urban Outfitters, ASOS, Piperlime, Gap - hell, even Athleta, Quicksilver, and probably eleventy five more that are slipping my brain, so if you have any other sources that you'd care to share, speak now or forever hold your peas.
Love this adorably boho halter, which is around $70. Yes, it's a bit plungey, but not quite as much as some.
Plungey tie-dye halter? Don't mind if I do!
Meh, the skeleton print is probably too young for me, but I still love the black, white, and yellow graphic nature of it.
And now comes the photo-realistic portion of the swimsuit competition:
You KNOW imma go for a palm-tree/beach scene.
Black Cat = Badass
While I wish this had straps, I've been a sucker for a flamingo ever since my "I'm PRETTY sure I'm going to marry Don Johnson" days.
Another awesome palm.
LOVE the water-color background of this black beauty.
...annnd a side-cutout, psychedelic suit.
Since I originally wrote this post, I found and purchased this suit online at Old Navy:
Howevah, I haven't received it yet, so I'm reserving jeedgement until that happens. If I don't like it, I may return it and get that second palm-tree print above, cuz now it's on sale at Nordie's. THANKS CHAMPAGNE!!
Don't be stingy, ya'll. If you have some good hidden gems that you haunt for swimsuits, please share them here.