Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Stuff We Do In Private

A few random thoughts before I plagerize my own chat with Amy Bo Bamy yesterday. Humor me, okay? Or humour me, if you're British.

1. These are quite possibly the tightest pants in the history of pants. 

2. Conversation from Casa de BlahBlah last night, with Gavin, who was asking me to draw something for him for the 837th time.

Gavin: Mommy, DO IT, or the King of Wonderland will BITE YOU.
Me: Well I'm the Mommy of the King of Wonderland, and I will spank the King of Wonderland if he bites me.

...and SCENE!

For what it's worth, I think the King of Wonderland is the most awesome self-moniker EVER.

3. Annnnd finally...I give you the chat that Amy and I had yesterday. To reiterate previous descriptions of our chats: We are funny. The end.

Amy: did you feel queasy at all doing the Dr. Oz 3-day cleanse, or is it because i woke up feeling queasy already and this roughage isn't helping. just tell me you shit a bunch. please tell me i can expect to poo.
 me: No, I didn't have the queasies. and I WISH I could tell you that, but I was constipated the ENTIRE time I did that damn cleanse.
  Cleanse schmense.
  Cleanse my ASS.
  Except not.

Amy: that's what i am thinking..it will have the opposite effect.
 me: It totally did. at least for me, but I saw other reviews that were the opposite.
 Amy: it's a crap shoot.
 Amy: ZING!

AmyI thought the lunch smoothie tasted fresh like a spa smoothie.
 me: Pooooor meeee....I HATED the lunch smoothie.me: speaking of Pooooor meeee...did I ever tell you that whenever Simon thinks he is going to get in trouble (i.e. when I start getting mad), he's all "Poooooor beautiful Mommmmyyyyyy..." Amy: THAT is the most awesome thing I have ever heard.

 me: and he gets this look on his face, with his eyebrows kind of raised and his eyes open really wide.
  What a little jerk.
  A manipulative, pandering, brilliant little jerk.
 Amy: Junior Sarcasmo. Nickname or Band Name. Either.
 me: OR BOTH, cuz Simon is my musical kid. AND he can keep up with Just Dance on the Wii. Amazing.
  I will bequeath Junior Sarcasmo to him. In fact, I think it calls for a tee-shirt.
 Amy: Your other kids suuuuuck.
 me: Total slackers.
Except that Scarlett will probably be like, the next Andy Warhol or Keith Haring or that guy who splatters paint, and Gavin will PROBABLY end up an architect, but besides that, yep, they suck.
  I'm always like - GET A LIFE.
  and then Simon is all, "My poooooorrrr beautiful mommmmyyyy..."
  and it's all good.
 Amy: Serioulsy. DO SOMETHING.
...and SCENE.
P.S.For those of you wondering how my 3-day cleanse ended up, I DID make it through all 3 days, lost 5 pounds exactly, gained one back. Of course, I immediately got sick right after and was not working out at all. I'm going to repeat the cleanse 3 - 4 times a year. I DO feel like it kind of reset my eating habits, and I've definitely been eating more fruits and veggies, which was one of my objectives. Sooooo, if you're thinking about doing it, I recommend it, though the lunch smoothie DOES suck big donkey you-know-whats. No matter WHAT Amy says.
Linking up to Because Shanna Said So and Style Elixr.
Jacket: Clothing swapShirt: one of the hubby'sBoots/Pants: ZaraNecklace: Charming Charlie's


Zahra Sandberg said...

omg i never read such a cringe worthy yet oh so adorable blog post! Bravo! You are hilarious - maybe thats why I keep coming back. Keep it up- btw the pants look amazing!


Carrie Teal said...

i love when you said your jeans are the tightest pants. My husband says that some of my skinnies look spray painted on- he is so funny and conservative. I have never tried a cleanse I applaud anyone who can do it.


whitley hamlin said...

You look HAWT in the tightest pants on earth, and totally agree "King of Wonderland" is the bomb.com. You ain't right girl, but love ya more for it! :)

Girls Love Fried Pickles said...

This made me laugh so hard. I am glad I am not wearing those pants. Tragic for all involved.

dreamingincashmere said...

You are heee-larious!!! I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry. None the less, I think I may try the cleanse in the next week or so. 5 lbs is worth it:)

smk053078 said...

Um, this convo CRACKED me up! OMG, I so needed this today! Freaking awesome. And hell to the no...I would never make it through any cleanse! Sorry you got your butt handed to you yesterday! BOO! Thanks for linking up!

Karen Curtis said...

LOL! This is too funny.
Your outfit is cute and I can tell you had fun with these pictures.


Martha said...

I just spit my coffee across my desk-people are looking at me!
Thank you. I needed a laugh!

MerciBlahBlah said...

YESSSSS - anytime I can make someone do a spit take? It's a successful post.

Thanks to all ya'll. Surrsly - I had a shit day, and every one of your comments made me smile.