Monday, January 14, 2013

Red Carpet Recap: 2013 Golden Globes

I'm still hanging in there by a squeak (in the top 15, I mean, which is my goal). But come ON. Please please pretty please with Daniel Craig on top? I'd love it if you took a minute to vote for me. You can until January 23. Thank ye kindly!!

And now, on to bidness. I was somewhat underwhelmed by the fashion on the red carpet, but jotted down some notes while I was watching on my likes and dislikes. Let's hear yours in the comments, kids.

The Uhhh-Frigging-Mazing

Lucy Liu in Carolina Herrera. Bow down, bitchez. I gay-gasped when I saw this. Nothing else even came close. Girl shut down this category all by herself. AND IT HAS POCKETS.

The ALMOST Uhhh-Frigging Mazing

Helen Mirren was THISCLOSE to Mz. Liu, but dammit, my heart belongs to that giant floral print extravaganza. I still want to be Helen Mirren when I grow up, howevs.

The Oh-So-Close's 
Sadly, Glenn Close did not sweep this category.

Didn't Claire Danes have a baby like 5 minutes ago? Jerk. I always think she looks pretty amazing, and this Versace in this color is fan-frigging-tastic on her, and it does look lovely, but in a Meh way.

Same with Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture. This color on her is GORGE. Still, when she came out, and I saw it from the side, I was all - BOOB SHELF. It's weirdly cut up top, in a origami way that is not the most flattering. But I DO love the belt with it, and something about it is sort of Marilyn Monroe a la Gentlemen Prefer Blonds.

I don't know who in the hell this person is, but she looks lovely.

What I love most about Julianne Moore's dress is her date's expression.

I am a sucker for a deep vee on a small boobed girl, and this is no exception. K Hud always rocks these dresses, and I always love them.

The Weird Black Dresses
There were a whole slew of weird black dresses in attendance. Here they be.

Rachel Weisz is lucky she has the arm candy that she does, because the bottom of this is atrocious. And also? I love that James Bond high-fived Adele, and I would LOVE to get pissed with Adele.

Deborah Messing, I feel like I've seen you wear this before. Plus it looks like those curtains you see in the back of a hearse.

Katherine McPhee? You are no Angelina Jolie. Put your leg away.

God help me, I have the BIGGEST girl crush on K Wiig. And I kind of wish that she and Will Ferrell would have stuck around and co-hosted with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, because they were the best part of the evening, despite the fact that Tommy Lee Jones looked like he wanted to punch someone's grandma in the throat when they panned the audience. Tommy Lee Jones and Joaquin Phoenix need to use some of the boatloads of money they have and BUY A SENSE OF HUMOR. Seriously gentlemen - YOU PRETEND FOR A LIVING. And you get paid handsomely to do so. Get the fuck over yourselves. 

Wow - I apologize to Kristin Wiig for hi-jacking her critique for that rant. I don't love this dress. The sad thing is, if it didn't have that huge hole in the middle, I probably would. The good thing about it is that it is not the same color as her skin, which is what she usually wears. Okay, that about covers it.

The What Were They THINKING???

You guys - I don't know who Anna Gunn is, but she is looking for the luau. Can anyone help?

Julianne Hough, there is WAY too much going on on this damn dress. This is like White Swan goes to Vegas.

My first thought was: apparently, Alyssa Milano was sponsored by Goulden's. My second was: Alyssa Milano STILL gets invited to the Golden Globes???!!

Lena Dunham in David's Bridal Couture. This was pooptastic. The only thing nice I have to say is that her eyes looked amazingly, deeply bronzey brown in this color.

Halle Berry - girl, we KNOW you have a slammin body. This just looks like you picked something up at Deb on your lunch hour at the mall. In reality, it was Atelier Versace, and cost more than your life. There is no excuse.

Happy Monday, Yo.


Karrin said...

I concur! Love Lucy Liu in that dress. Think I could pull something like that off at work????

MerciBlahBlah said...

YES. Nothing says work appropriate like a giant floral print covered ballgown.

Zahra Sandberg said...

Hahah Anna Gunn - Luau girl- is the chick from Breaking Bad! If you don't watch it - you should because its the best show ever! (Family guy did a bit on how Breaking Bad fans feel the need to tell everyone in the world to watch the show).

Great commentary - agree with you completely. Except you didnt put Sienna Miller on the tacky list- which I think she topped last night.

btw, I voted again!

MerciBlahBlah said...

Yay - thanks Z-Money! I know - Tom and I keep debating whether or not to start Breaking Bad. I'm sure we eventually will when all of our shows are in rerun mode.

Oooh yeah, Sienna Miller = not so good.

Emily said...

Oh how I laughed at your Alyssa Milano comment. I'm still laughing!

HJolley said...

And these are my fave posts of yours. Reviews of awards ceremonies! Pooptastic is a perfect word for that dress.

MerciBlahBlah said...

Emily - I'm glad I could oblige.

HJolley - yay - so glad you likey!! I was more on my game this time, and actually took notes during the arrivals (NERD ALERT!!). I was SHOCKED to see how many people loved Lena Dunham's dress. Did she wear something different on their screen than the one you and I saw? Blech.

The Suburb Experiment said...

We have the same bests! I FLOVED Lucy Liu's gown. I'm a sucker for a printed fancy gown. And I believe what I said when I saw Helen Mirren was something like, "Hoh. Lee. Shit." She could teach starlets half her age how to OWN a freaking red carpet.

Carrie Teal said...

My fav was Anne Hathaway, but I like simple. Your Halle Berry comment so freaking funny, I though her tatas looked unbalanced. Like she has been breatfeeding and she needs to still pump the right one!


Jenny @ Spry On The Wall said...

I touched on the Couture Dior boob situation when I did my review of the collection a couple of months ago. I used the highly technical term "wonky boob". Why on Earth the stylists don't have the balls to tell Raf to get those fabric flaps off the boob region is beyond me. Shockingly it looked a million times better on her than on the runway, where the models don't have boobage and therefore the wonky boobs were wonkier. Other than that Jennifer was my fave.

dreamingincashmere said...

As always, you make me laugh!!! I missed the show:( Love your post, makes me feel like maybe I don't need to watch it.