Monday, December 10, 2012

Sick.

I can't believe it. My Gavin has the flu. I am not exaggerating when I say that every other week since the end of August we have been sick. I am fucking sick of being sick. I'm pissed that I didn't get everyone a flu shot already, but by the time we are all feeling somewhat healthy again, when it would be more prudent to get a shot, someone starts getting sick again. Right now, only Simon and I have had a shot. Tom is taking Scarlett tomorrow to get hers, and we'll get Gavin in AS SOON as he starts feeling better. No excuses.

I am sick of feeling beat down. Like a bad parent. Like I can't keep my house clean enough, even though I have been assured several times that it is normal, when you have kids going to preschool for the first time, to be sick a lot. 

I don't like feeling pissed at my husband, who doesn't feel good this weekend, because he has spent most of it sleeping, while I am doing laundry and cooking and taking care of the kids. 

I am not exaggerating even a little when I say that today, when I was going to the store to get more medicine, the thought of just driving to the airport and hopping a plane to California was in the back of my mind. Hell, it was right there at the front of my mind. And then I feel like a shit.

I'm sick of feeling so stressed that I don't want to eat anything. I'm sick of feeling guilty for going to the gym, even though it has literally been 2 weeks since I was there last. I'm sick of wanting a fucking minute to myself. I'm sick of being pissed that the one night that we had plans - Saturday night - was the night that Gavin got sick. I drove around last night, Christmas lights on the houses blurred through my tears, just to have a few frigging minutes to myself. Bah humbug.

I'm sick of whining and complaining about everyone being sick, and I'm sure that you're all sick of reading about it. Happy fucking Monday.

BlahBlah,
Shan

13 comments:

Maria said...

truly a woman after my own heart! I thought it was just me who felt like that, I honestly relate to every fucking word! x

Suzanne Carillo Style Files said...

That does not sound fun one bit. You need a calgon moment.

Just remember to breath and you'll be alright.

Thinking of you and sending out get better vibes.

Bisous
Suzanne

pyjammy pam said...

ugh! we had years like that too. :( i hope everyone is VERY healthy VERY soon.

BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

I have SO been there lady...Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain & totally understand...as a working mother of almost 3yo twins,I feel guilty about everything all the time. No fun!

Anonymous said...

Totally been there, too. I bet you feel better already just getting it out there! Mothering is SO HARD! Hang in there and just remember how good it feels to kiss all those little heads when they are (finally!) asleep, safe and sound in their own little beds...
From, A Momma of Twins

Courtnee said...

These are the moments no one tells you about when they are waxing poetically about the joys of motherhood. My 3 girls got chickenpox three weeks after my son was born and 2months after my ex-asshole walked out on us. Not one of my finest moments:( this to shall pass!

Sheree said...

This too shall pass my love. Plug along as best you can and feel what you need to feel. At least you are expressing it and not in the bathroom snorting lines..at least I hope your not ;)
Hugs and kisses
sheree

Jenny @ Spry On The Wall said...

Been there, like all of last Winter. I seriously hate to hear coughing of any kind any where. I have post traumatic stress disorder from hearing my child cough, my husband cough, me cough for what seemed like months on end last Winter. I literally cringe when I hear a cough. Not normal. Oh and we are on the tail end of our sickies here, but my husband never got sick, so I expect him to fall ill any day now. Remember Christmas is 2 weeks away, check back in with me I'll bet at least one of us in my house has got the creeping crud. Never fails. Hang in there lady, what you are feeling is so normal...

Catherine @ Not Dressed As Lamb said...

Oh Shan I'm so sorry to hear you were so sick... having the flu is one of the most horrid "non serious" illnesses you can get, I know how debilitating it is! Good to get the frustration out of your system though sometimes isn't it ;)

The last time I had flu was a couple of years ago: at one point I was coughing and snotting (nice) so much, and to make it worse, I actually started bawling and begged my husband to put me down (like you do a dog). How you've managed with kids as well is beyond me...!

I hope things are better all round... thank you for popping over to my blog, I've been so slack in commenting lately through lack of time! Still checking out your awesome outfits... you're a better bloggy friend than I. My NY resolution is to make more time to comment.

Oh and I left you a reply re. the actress I look like!

Long comment!! Going now! Lots of love!

Catherine x
http://notdressedaslamb.com

oomph. said...

want me to come over and watch the kids (sick and all) so you can have a day to yourself? would be happy to :)

i'm a single parent...so i never get a break, never get to go out...so i know the feeling of being overwhelmed. do take a moment to yourself, even if that means locking yourself in the bathroom.

[oomph.]

Carrie Teal said...

Girl I feel you , I am so tired of saying someone is sick . Hopefully it will soon pass and no more sickness for you!
Carrie

Paula said...

Hope everyone is better soon and that you get a much deserved break. Hang in there!