Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Etsy Luuuuvvvvv

It has been EONS, I tell you, since I've done a "hey, let's check out my favorite Etsy items/stores/what have you's," so why don't we trip the light fantastic together.

Sometimes I get a wild hare and do a search on Etsy for things like "autumn" or "silk stripes" or "rotten fruit." Okay - I have never searched for that last one on Etsy, but the thing is, YOU PROBABLY COULD. This weekend I was searching "tiny gold necklaces," cuz after a few seasons of statement necklaces (which will always have a place in my heart and around my neck), I have been hankering for something more delicate. WHO KNEW??? These were some of my favorites that came up:

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest
Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Tiny skull, you are so adorable I just want to wear two or three of you around my neck. Wait. That didn't come out quite right.

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Tiny arrowhead, you can come along too.

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Tiny tube? You are totally tubular. 

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Hey, don't be a square, Tiny necklace. BWAH.

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Lookit that. It's easy as 1, 2, 3...

Okay, I showed you mine, now you show me yours. What are some of YOUR favorite Etsy searches? Oh, and just to prove that you really CAN find anything on Etsy, I present to you....


Source: via Shannan on Pinterest


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Spider on a Horse

Here are a few of my favorite things over the last few days:

While I'm sitting at the computer in the morning before work, and everyone is asleep. We had a few days nice enough that the windows were open, and I sat drinking my coffee, eating breakfast, and blogging, listening to the girl who runs in our neighborhood. I love the thunk, thunk, thunk of feet on pavement as she rounds our cul de sac.

The other morning, the kids got up, and Simon said, "I was dreaming about a spider on a horse," and Scarlett said, "I was dreaming it was big cupcake day," and Gavin said, "I was dreaming about scurry monster with big googley eyes." Sigh. I love those kids. Incidentally, is it just me, or does spider on a horse sound like a joke? So, a spider on a horse walks into a bar...

More kid stuff - my conversation with Scarlett yesterday, when Simon and Gavin were teasing and laughing at her:
Scarlett: Mommy, why are Bubbies laughing at me?
Me: Because they're dorks.
Scarlett: Like The Seven Dorks?
Me: No, that's The Seven Dwarfs...

Finding not one, but TWO bargains at the thrift store over the weekend: a white mesh tee I scored in the boys' department, and a plaid shirt (brand new, with tags, AND REVERSIBLE) in the mens' department, that I am going to bleach dip. HOLLA!!!

And finally - we bit the bullet and got tickets to go see my sis and her family in Maryland in September. All of us. It'll be our first time taking the Trio of Terror on a plane. Watch out, American Airlines, The Griswolds are back.

Hoodie/Shoes/Watch: Tear-get
Skirt: The Limited
Earrings: Standard Style Boutique
Necklathe: TJ Maxx


Monday, August 27, 2012

Random Inspirations

All photos taken by moi... 

Downtown Lee's Summit

What does it all meeeean?????

Happy Monday, yo.


Thursday, August 23, 2012

Fall Wish List

Ya'll, I prolly need more stuff in my closet like I need a hole in my head. Still, every year around this time when the temps FINALLY dip into the mid 90s, and there's that chill in the air (ahem), I start dreaming of autumn. Ahhhhh fall, with its crisp, mingled scent of apples, crackling fire, and bacon. Its leaves that crunch underfoot (though here in the midwest because of the intense heat, the leaves  dropped from the trees sometime in JULY, and seriously, our back patio already needs raking. I am not even joking. Ridiculous. BUT I DIGRESS. 

Imma share with you some of my fall wish list items, and IN MY DEFENSE, I'll tell you that my first stop to find the first three items on my list this autumn is going to the the thrift store. Wish me luck.

1. Black Leather Jacket

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Life Regret Number Two (Number One being that I never moved to California. Sigh.) is that, when I was in high school, I put a black leather motorcycle jacket on layaway at Berman's Leather. It was DOPE. Bought and paid for it and wore it until the lining was practically shredded. Then, several years later, when motorcycle jackets weren't my thing anymore, I got rid of it. OH THE HUMANITY!!!

If I had unlimited funds (which, sadly, I do not, unless someone is reading this who wants to be my benefactor and gift this jacket to me), I would snap this jacket up from Zara in a hot minute. It is sick and wrong in its deliciousness and badassery.

2. Jeans jacket

Life Regret Number Three: See: Story about black motorcycle jacket. Substitute: Perfect Denim Jacket. Sads.

3. Plaid shirt

Ever since I saw Christopher Palu flaunting his bleach-dipped plaid shirt all over Project Runway, I've been hankering to try it myself, kind of like the shirt above, but minus the stupid crooked trucker's hat and vacant stare. And more like this:

So I've been scouring the thrift stores for the perfect plaid to bleach dip. Stay tuned for photos of the process once I find one, kids.

4. Scarf print pantalones

I have decided I need more pantalones in my life. Not actual pants, necessarily, just to use the word PANTALONES more. Just cuz it's fun. I also need these pantalones from Mango. Ohhhhh, Mango. I also need to find a friend named Mango, so I can say OHHHHH MANGOOOOOO.

5. Boots

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Lookit - fall is synonymous with boots and booties, and I wanted a pair like the above all LAST year. Since they're still on my list, I need to strike while the iron is hot. And I'm not ashamed to say that Charlotte Russe has a pair very similar for about $40. Are they real leather? Hell no, but they have the same look, and I'm okay with that. Because I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, PEOPLE LIKE ME. Love, Stuart Smalley.

6. Coated denim skinnies

Coated denim is all over the place again this year, and what I love is that they look like skinny leather pants. Imma get some all up in my grill.

7. Burgundy lip

I have been dying to try this look ever since I saw Camilla Belle sport it at the Met Ball. Deffo not a summer look, but this lip is SOOOOO autumnal. In fact, all of her makeup is, and it's gorgeouso. Has anyone tried this lip? I'd love to know what color you used if so.

What's on YOUR wish list for fall? Let's tawlk. It'll be like buttah.


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The HELL???!!!

If you take any notice of whatever I happen to be reading (and by "reading" I mean "listening to the audiobook") at any given moment, you have seen that I am reading The Vanishers by Heidi Julavits (awesome name, btw - I think we need more Heidi's in general).

I am on the final CD, almost finished, and I STILL don't know what THE HELL is going on in this damn book.

I would dearly love to hear from anyone else who has read it, particularly if you know WHAT THE HELL is going on.

If you can shed any light whatsoever, I'd be eternally grateful, cuz I'm tired of driving around and spouting randomly, "THE HELL???!!!" or "whatchoo talkin' bout, Willis?!!" or "HUH????!!!" or "for fuck's sake - explain yourself!!!" Incidentally, and of no consequence to what we're talking about here, my kids have started saying "What are you talkinnnnng about, Willllllllis...." and it is so frigging cute I can't stand it.

So, to recap, in a slightly shorter version...

THE HELL????!!!! Please leave any thoughts, explanations, theories, theorems, analysis, or hypothesis regarding said book in the comments. Signed, The Management.

Jacket: JC Penny
Tank: Wal Mart
Pants: The Garment District
Shoes: Vince Camuto
Earrings: Standard Style Boutique
Necklace: TJ Maxx


Monday, August 20, 2012

Am I That Girl???

I read a post the other day on a new-to-me blog about That Girl at the gym. You know the one, she stands at the front of the class, who knows all the steps before the instructor does them, who is more pepped up than anyone else in class, who makes funny noises while she's working out, who looks like she lives at the gym? And sometimes? SHE EVEN STAYS FOR THE NEXT CLASS????!!!!

Well, aside from the looking like I live at the gym thang, I have a fear I may be That Girl.

(Yes, I know my veiny hands look like Madonna's, but it is only because I AM OLD)

Hear me out for a minute or two. While I DON'T feel like I'm over the top, per se, I DO love my Turbokick class, and I DO happen to stand in the front, but that is more because it has just become my spot, and I don't like to deviate from it. And because I'm excited to be there, I put forth my maximum effort at all times. 

And there HAVE been times that I have stayed for the next class after Turbo, whether it's Zumba or Final Cut (weight training). Or call me crazy, sometimes I even go early, so I can lift weights before Turbo.

But this has more to do with the fact that anytime I am at the gym, it means I have someone watching the kiddos at home (if it's not Tom), so I AM GOING TO SQUEEZE EVERY BIT OF GYM TIME I CAN OUT OF IT, and less to do with the fact that I am a gym rat. These days, gym time is a precious commodity.

And while I don't make strange grunty noises whilst working out (don't get me started on the dork giving himself a pep talk one time in my general vicinity while I was lifting weights - he was all, "You can DO this. You have never lifted this much EVER, but YOU GOT THIS," meanwhile, I was lifting more than him....BUT I DIGRESS). Back to what I was saying, I HAVE been known to count (along with the rest of the class) back to the instructor if we are counting down sets or something. What can I say? It keeps my energy level up (and burns a few more calories, if you must know). I ask you - IS THAT SO WROOOOONGGGG????!!! Even I, however, draw the line at a "WHOOOP! WHOOOOP!!"

And in the spirit of full disclosure, if I'm being completely honest, the people who drive me NUTSO (except for the Space Invaders who just stand TOO DAMN CLOSE and it's their own fault if I kick them in the head), are the people who half-ass their workout, because for one - you're being a buzz-kill, and two, you are taking up space for people who didn't make it into the class (yes, we have a sign-in system at my gym, and if you don't make the list, there are times you can't take the class). And don't even get me STARTED on the people who completely stop in the middle of class because they either don't like what the instructor is doing (I'm talking to you, girl who stands behind me in class on Saturday morning), or they find it too difficult. If it's a) I say - RUDE, and if it's b) just step outside your box A LITTLE, mmmm-kay????

So I don't know if I made my point - just that there IS a reason for my behaviors at the gym, and I hope they're not TOOOOO annoying to everyone else in the class. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go have a three-way with two guys named Ben & Jerry, so rest assured, come next class period, you will find me front and center (actually, front and all the way to the right), and I may stay for TWO classes.

Jacket: Clothing swap
Tank: Wal Mart
Pants: Zara
Shoes: Vince Camuto
Necklace: Threadsence
Studded cuff: Charming Charlie's
Watch/Bracelet (Belt): Target


Thursday, August 16, 2012

My Number One Weight Loss Tip

It has taken me 43 years to figure this one out, but Imma share with you my number one weight loss tip, and it's ironclad. Here it is:

Do a colonoscopy prep on Thursday night, wake up 4 pounds lighter the next morning, then immediately AFTER the colonoscopy, head into your first bout of strep throat in 20-odd years. Dude, that is IT. No more working out, sweating my ass off in turbokick classes, no more lifting, no more wondering if I should have a glass of wine or a bottle of beer with dinner.

With my patented "colon-strep" diet - or WAY OF LIFE - as I like to think of it (because really, who likes to be on a DIET), you are guaranteed to lose up to 10 pounds, 25% of your muscle mass, and every electrolyte in your body, IN ONLY TWO DAYS.

Here are some other calorie busters, gang:
  • I'm pretty sure that trying to swallow a mouthful of oatmeal (which feels more like swallowing a cheese grater) burns about 47.3 calories per bite, so BONUS!
  • Sprinting to the bathroom burns 73 calories per sprint. If you sprint 987 times, like I did, well - that's a LOTTA calories burned, kids!
  • Cleaning all the toilets that you used the day following your colonoscopy burns 170 calories per hour, and that's LIGHT EFFORT. If you multiply 170 by 3 (for HEAVY DUTY - OR DOODY - EFFORT), that's 510 calories PER TOILET. If you hit up three different toilets in the course of your prep, well, you do the math, cuz I suck at it. I THINK YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.
  • Post-procedure, but mid-strep, dragging your raggedy ass from a prone "corpse pose" into a half-slouchy sitting up position will burn approximately 37 calories.

And there you have it. My fool-proof plan to lose inches, muscle tone, and dignity, in just a few days.

Shirt: F21
Pants: Old Navy
Shoes: Vince Camuto
Watch: Target
Earrings: Standard Style Boutique

This post brought to you by Gatorade, Miralax, Dulcolax, and Tidy Bowl.


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Lay of the Land

Communication with three 4-year-olds is sketchy at best. It's what I imagine life would be like to live in an exotic place, immersed with natives who speak fluently and understand each other, but even among their tribe, may speak different dialects. Some of it, I understand, some of it, I ask one of the natives to translate, and some of it, I just fake.

Take, for instance, the natives' form of slang. They have come up with a few terms that they use according to proper prompting, and of which I have NO IDEA where said terminology came from. One such term is "blistered." They do not use it in any way remotely the way that a non-native would use it (i.e. to describe an affliction of the epidermis raised with watery liquid), but rather, it is used as a form of derision towards someone - i.e. - You are blistered, sissy!!! To which I say - the HELL????

And then there is the term that changes dialect depending on who is using said phrase. The ever-popular "bootsy pants," or "bootchy pants." Strangely, these terms both refer only to Gavin, apparently, who refers to himself as the aforementioned "bootsy." Simon, however, insists that Gavin is indeed, a "bootchy pants."

Neither Tom nor I are sure what a bootsy pants OR a bootchy pants is.

Just last night, driving home from Target with Simon, the Def Leppard classic "Foolin'" came on, and I was singing loudly to it. Fa-Fa-Fa-FOOOOOLIN....awwwww Fa-Fa-FOOOOLIN...

Simon joined in, singing, "Va-Va-Va-BOOOOO-yaaaa......Va-Va-Va-BOOOOOO-yaaaaa!!!" I repeated the lyrics correctly, but he was pretty insistent upon singing them his way.

He was, however, spot on with the tune, which made me happy. Mama needs at least ONE of our kids to become a rock star and support me in my old age.

Tee: The Garment District
Pants, Shoes, Watch: Target
Cuff: Charming Charlie's


Monday, August 13, 2012

Crazy Pants

For a while now, I have found myself drawn to crazy pants. Florals, animal prints, sequins, ikat, etc. etc. Now that I have watched No Doubt's Settle Down video about eleventy five times, I am OBSESSED with Gwennie's crazy Indian-mirrored-fab-u-frigging-tastic pants. Alas, they are one of a kind, literally. Believe me, I've checked.

The last few years, I have been a sucker for anything ethnic or tribal, and Gwen's juxtaposition of those with the checkerboard panel down the side gives these a SKA/punk element that I love more than a Biggest Loser contestant loves high fructose corn syrup (yes, I stole that from Pinterest).

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

In an effort to quell my lust for those pants, let's check out some other tasty printed alternatives, mmm-kay?

Ikat? OH YES I CAN. 

These pants are TIE DYE FOR. Insert groan here.

Source: via Shannan on Pinterest

Are those big giant scart print pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Kind of scaley and fish-like, but still badass. 

I think these are either Balmain or Balenciaga, and I would be as happy as that chick is to wear them too. However, since they are price upon request, I will never wear them in my lifetime.

These skinny camos from Zara, however, will be mine - at least as soon as they're delivered. I just ordered them the other night. 

So what say you? Are you on board the crazy pants trend? Rockin them come fall? If not - what trend ARE you looking forward to? Share - this is a safe place.