Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Protein's Dirty Little Secret

Lately I have upped my intake of protein smoothies (or POOVIES, as we pronounce them in Casa de BlahBlah), and Imma just tell it to you straight up. This post ain't for everybody. Only the sexy people. So all you fly muthas....get on out there and DANCE.

Oh...I'm sorry...I was moved to bust out some Salt-n-Pepa on you there. Let me continue. What I was trying to disclaim is that if you are at all of delicate sensibilities, perhaps you should stop reading....or if you're more...ahhhh...MATURE than I am, you may not want to continue.

Cuz the troof of the matter is, all those protein poovies? They give me gas, yo.

(don't I look a little bit like I'm trying to squeak one out here? unintentional, I ASSure you.)

Anyhoozle, I have gas like you wouldn't BELIEVE, and it's not the cute kind either. Oh, no. It's the "I Smell Like a 350 pound Man who has recently been in a Hard-Boiled-Egg-Eating Contest." True story.

To make matters worse (there is something worse that what you've already told us, Shannan? You may be wondering...) YES - to make matters worse - when I typed the description in the paragraph above? I laughed out loud. Sad but true. And by "sad but true," I CLEARLY mean "HILARIOUS but true."

So to those of you who were unfortunate enough to stand behind me in TurboKick last night? Well, all I can do is say "You have my apologies and my sympathies." And to those of you still reading this? Thank you for sticking with me, and I KNEW I wasn't the only one who found farts funny.

Sweater: Old Navy
Pants: Zara
Shoes: Vicky's Secret
Earrings: F21
Necklace: Urban Outfitters



Sarah said...

You are out of control. I love it! I started taking some wacky pill that the guy at Whole Foods recommended and it has the same lovely side effect. I think it has lots of fiber in it or something.

Paula said...

too funny!

Holly said...

hahah so you have to plan really well when you are going to have the protein! eek!

Giovanna said...

Your post is too funny! I really like your skinnies and necklace!


Jenny @ Spry On The Wall said...

Hey, pull my finger. Did someone step on a duck?


Laura said...

Too funny!

Liv said...

OMG I was still laughing at your more recent post but really not many things can give me the giggles like comedic pootage. Have you noticed any benefits to a motorized work-out?

heidiluxe said...

i've been on a protein smoothie fix lately too. but one step ahead of you. the squirts. i blame it on the baby on my intestines.

MerciBlahBlah said...

Awwww, God bless ya'll for not un-following my blog after such an unsavory post. And Liv, I wish I could say I have noticed a benefit, (other than having one entire side of the gym to myself), but that's about it...