Friday, April 29, 2011

Yo Yo Yo Mama

I know I mentioned my mom in the previous post, and wanted to let you all in on a lil contest. SkinCareRx is currently running a Beautiful Mom Mother’s Day giveaway. The contest runs through May 5th, and they will select the best stories to receive a $250 gift card, but WAIT - that's not all! Runner-ups will get prizes too. I am deffo heading over to enter the contest, cuz have you SEEN the site? Clarisonic, Dr. Brandt, Jane Iredale, Perricone MD, Peter Thomas Roth (oh my!)...Lawd have mercy there is a ton of fun beauty stuff to choose from!

It's easy. Get thee hence, post a comment telling why your mom is the best mum EVAH, leave an e-mail address, das it! Good luck!!


Tummy Tuck Timeline: Friday

I knew there was a chance this could happen based on what I have read, but this week I hit a bit of a depression. Had lots of calls last week to see how I was doing, and those slowed way down. On Wednesday I was in a bit of a funk because even though I know I'm just little more than a week out from surgery, I wish I could do more, and probably am doing too much as it is, and it kind of hit me. I was pretty swollen - even more so than normal.

Thankfully yesterday was better, but one frustration is that I just am not sure day-to-day how I'm going to feel. Honestly the pain isn't as bad as I had anticipated it being, which is good. It's not to say that there isn't pain, but I was expecting something much worse. For me, the depression this week came mostly from overdoing it a few days, and then not being able to do what I normally do, coupled with swelling and the painfully tight compression binder that I have to wear. I'm also dealing with a good amount of guilt over not being able to take care of The Trips like I normally do. I made sure to REALLY take it easy on Thursday, and spent most of the day either sitting or reclining on the couch, and not bending over (or sitting on the floor) to pick things up or change diapers. 

I am SO lucky to have The Hubs, who has been amazing through everything, and my mom, who has also been a life-saver. I also decided to delay going back to work until Wednesday of next week, so hope-hope-hopefully I can start up my WWD outfit posts then, and ya'll will stick with me! Anyhoozle - here's to the weekend and continued recovery. Have a good one, yo!


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Wachoo Waiting For?

If you haven't already entered for the Apothica gift card giveaway that ends May 5, DO IT HERE. Come on. All the cool kids are doing it.


Dear Aldo Shoes,

I am ready and willing to pimp you out if you would like to bestow any (OR ALL) of the following items on me.

The end.
Yours Truly And In All Seriousness,

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Random Inspiration

I swear I should just have a direct feed to Atlantic Pacific once a week.Girlfriend is hands-down the BEST layerer in all the interwebs.

 Love this pastel-lidded, red-lipped makeup look for spring.

 STILL looking for the perfect kimono, and Where Did U Get That has the BEST collection.

Jen, meet me at camera three...I would LOVE this two-way dress for my boythday - AND it's on clearance at ASOS here...

...oooooorrrr this ring from Rachel Roy, which you can purchase here...
I'm nothing if not helpful...


Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Tummy Tuck Timeline: To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Good, uninterrupted sleep (sans muscle relaxers) is a hard commodity to come by post tuck, I have discovered. It is just difficult to get into a comfortable position. I have always been a side sleeper, curled into the fetal position with a pillow between my knees (I can't stand to have my bare legs touching together in the night - I also CANNOT sleep nude, but that is another story altogether). However, since the surgery, when sleeping on my back is not an option (unless I am propped on several pillows with a pillow under my knees), and sleeping on either side becomes painful because of the zippers that run down the sides of my binder, it takes a loooong time to fall asleep, and when I do, it has been very fitful, with strange dreams. 

The first several days after surgery when I was hopped up on the goofball, I dreamt of tunnels in various shapes and sizes. After telling my friend Natty Lite, who herself has had several somewhat prophetic or "visionistic" dreams, if you will, she sent me the following:

To see a tunnel in your dream, represents the vagina, womb, and birth. Thus it may refer to a need for security and nurturance.

To dream that you are going through a tunnel, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious. You are opening yourself to a brand new awareness. Alternatively, it indicates your limited perspective as in the phrase "tunnel vision." Are you being close minded or narrow-minded in some issue?

To see the light at the end of a tunnel, symbolizes hope. You will navigate through life and all its difficulties with great success. Alternatively, it also indicates the end of your journey and the realization of your goals.

Wow - that is pretty amazing. I do put stock in dreams and their symbolism. To some, I'm sure it is a lot like horoscopes, so general that it could mean whatever you want it to mean, but I personally believe there is something more to it.

Last night's dream, though, I'm not so sure. Ames and I were going to a skating and pool party, and were THO EXTHITED because there were going to be some cute boys there, one of whom I now realize looked suspiciously like Tamra Barny's SKEEVY new boyfriend Eddie (you see my hesitation to believe this dream had something of import now, I am sure...)

I was stressing out because I COULD NOT PICK OUT AN OUTFIT TO WEAR, was running out of time and had not shaved, so it was a bit like welcome to the jungle "DOWN THERE" if you catch my drift. Again, you can see why this dream may not mean anything other than what it means. Add to that the stress that Amy and Natty were already dressed and gorgeous, there was a random shark swimming through an open window (I have a LOT of shark dreams too), and well, it puts a bit of pressure on a girl. Thank GOD I woke up.

Anyhoozle, I have no idea what any of this means and am typing furiously before a) I forgot said dream, and b) my kids spontaneously combust upstairs from screeching because they want someone to come get them outta jail...errr....bed.

So am I the only one with weird dreams? Share. This is a safe place.


Monday, April 25, 2011

Tummy Tuck Timeline, Weekend Edition Part Deux

One thing I did not anticipate with a TT is how frigging sore my back was going to be. Of course it makes sense, because when you cannot use your stomach muscles for anything, and you spend a week walking completely hunched over and sleeping in a recliner, it stands to reason that your back will be in motha-effing PAIN. Since the drains came out on Friday I can straighten up a bit more, but bending over to do simple things fatigues my back so quickly. Ugh.

The good thing is I'm off my heavy duty pain meds AND I drove myself to the grocery store this weekend. I probably shouldn't have done that, but DAMN it felt good. Truth be told, I am probably over-extending myself in several areas where I should be taking it easier. I'm not picking up the kids (there is no way I could do that now), but I do give them a leg up now and then if they need it. I am also taking the stairs probably more than I should. 

I miss doing my WWD outfit posts, but won't get back to them until next Monday when I go back to work, so you may have to actually READ more from me. I know, I know - a primarily fashion/style blogger WRITING STUFF? Crazy, huh? Well, I hope you stick wiv me. I have sincerely appreciated the kind words from everyone and look forward to reading every one of them.

Have a Happy Monday, yo!

Um, Yum.

I made these Key Lime Coconut Cupcakes with White Chocolate Frosting for Easter dinner yesterday (HOLLA to my mom who brought the main meal), and also made a nom-nom Tomato Pesto Tart that I failed to take pics of, but trust - it was GOOOOOOD (except when it was coming back on me 3 hours later).


Saturday, April 23, 2011

Tummy Tuck Timeline: Weekend Edition

Oh, hi Aunt Flo. It's so nice to see you at the really inconvenient time in my life. Shouldn't there be a Hallmark card for this? Menstruation: Because there's no better time for it than when you're recovering from a tummy tuck.
2 p.m.
The drains are out! The drains are out!! Went to the doc for my post op checkup and he decided to take mercy on me and remove the stupid drains. It was also the first time I got to see my naked belly and brand new belly button (since the old one went away). I have named the new one "Frankenbutton," due to its horrific, reddish purple, stitched up, swollen appearance. Fingers crossed it doesn't stay this way, or its only a matter of time before villagers bearing pitchforks and flaming torches chase us both into the night. The doc tells me I can SHOWER TOMORROW. Wheeee!!!! On the way out, the nurse gives me a giant box of pads to put over all the mangled bits on my belly and under the binder after showering, and tells me to apply Neosporin to the drain holes (gag), and Frankenbutton after showering. I will go back in 10 days to have the stitches taken out of Frankenbutton. The rest of the stitches in my lower abdomen will dissolve on their own.
9 a.m.
Natty Lite comes over to keep me company, and brings a lurvly orange gerbera daisy flower. She tho thweet. Whilst visiting she also mentions how GLAD she is the drain is out so she doesn't have to read about it anymore. I wonder if everyone else is thinking the same thing.
11:30ish a.m.
Poop Watch 2011 has officially ended. In fact, it ends with a bang. I wonder if I should have had a box of Milk Duds or a Baby Ruth on hand to give to Natty for guessing that it would end sometime on Saturday between 9 and 2.....
1:30 p.m.
Shower time.
I'm nervous. Skurred even. This is the first time I will have fully seen my belly standing full on looking in the mirror. What if I hate it? What if it's completely mangled beyond belief? Did I do the right thing with surgery? Was it really that bad to begin with? Will I pass out when I have to put Neosporin on my drain wounds? I wrestle out of the binder and look in the mirror. Well, there it is. The faint blue line down my belly from when the doctor marked it with a felt pen. Frankenbutton there in all its red, puffy glory. And down further, a jagged, taped up line from hip to hip where the incision is. I look quickly, not too long, grab the camera, and take a photo. ONE photo. Usually I take anywhere from ten to 12 photos, but not this time. I look at the screen to make sure it took, turn the camera off, and put it away. One is all I can take for now. I still have to get IN the shower, which has been running while I've been undressing. I step gingerly in, back to the water, which is warm but not hot. Let it run over, being careful not to get the stream of water directly on my stomach. I wash as quickly as I can and then get out, patting a clean, dry towel over my stomach, then getting a clean, dry washcloth to go over it again. Use a Q-tip to apply Neosporin to Frankenbutton and the drain wounds, then use approximately 12 giant pads trying to cover  my stomach before trying to wriggle back into the binder, which is a bitch to get into by myself.
Get dressed in clothing that is not just giant sweat pants and an old tee, put on makeup, perfume, and fix my hair. This is the best I have felt all week. I cannot believe the difference just having a shower made. I feel like a new woman.
Here's to tomorrow and feeling even better.

Friday, April 22, 2011

T3: Tummy Tuck Timeline Friday

Who'd have thunk? I feel almost human again. The pain is getting more manageable (there is a constant dull pain that feels like I have done millions of crunches and just overworked my muscles, and that is the bearable pain). The unbearable, sharp, knife-like hot poker to the side pain comes when I move the wrong way and is I believe related to the drains, because it is almost always on the left side drain, but sometimes hops to the right to remind me I have one on that side too. When those pains come they take my breath away. Those are the pains that could make me whisper "MOTHERfucker" in front of my grandma, something I would normally never do.  Thankfully grandma hasn't been around this week to hear it.
The good thing is that I have an appointment this afternoon so the doc can look at the drains and possibly take them out (fingers crossed). I don't know if this also means I'll get to see my stomach for the first time, but I am NERVOUS about it. What if I don't like it? What if my new belly button is all wonky? What if he forgot to put in a new belly button? What if he was feeling feisty the day he did it and added a third nipple, a la Chandler Bing? Who knows - ANYTHING could be under that binder. 
Keep your fingers crossed and I'll report back after I see it. I may even go crazy and post some photos this weekend if things don't look too gruesome.
Speaking of potato pancakes, why haven't you entered the Apothica giveaway yet? Surrsly, peeps, there are only two people entered so far. What da HAIL? Get thee hence and enter!
PoopWatch 2011 is STILL in effect...

Thursday, April 21, 2011

T3: Tummy Tuck Timeline Thursday

Guess who got up and made their own breakfast AND LUNCH yesterday? This guy. Things really felt like they turned a corner yesterday in terms of pain. Don't get me wrong - my lady bits are still swollen as hell (oh, hadn't I mentioned that before? Yup - because of the crotchless binder I'm wearing, gravity does its thang and forces all that pressure you-know-where).
The good thing is that instead of walking 90 degrees hunched over (like a 187-year-old woman), I feel like I'm more at 45 degrees hunched, walking like a spring chicken of 87 years young. Speaking of spring chickens, thank hebbins I got the kiddos their Easter basket stuff last weekend, so this weekend we can hide it and have a hunt in the yard provided the weather cooperates. I may or may not have gotten an extra box of Cadbury Creme Egg minis which I fully intend to eat. Does anyone else like those or am I the only one? I mean, in theory they are disgusting, yet in real life? DELICIOUS.
Poop Watch 2011? Is still on. Yep - still waiting for doody to call. Unfortch all the meds I'm on cause constipation, so I have started popping Colace on top of them. Nice. I really can't wait to get to the point when I can stop the meds, because I'm tired of feeling tired and groggy all the time. An addict I am not (unless we're talking Cadbury Creme Eggs, then all bets are off).
I am also getting itchy all up in the hizzouse under my binder and gauze, but that could also be because I discovered yesterday it is apparently doubling as a crumb-catcher. I have eaten more Ritz crackers this week than I have in my entire life, and virtually every crumb has fallen down my shirt and into the binder edge. I'll have to apologize to the nurse when she sees me next time for being so slovenly.
Another thing I can't wait for? A FRIGGING SHOWER. This morning I resorted to ye olde whore's shower, scrubbing my pits and parts with a wash cloth. Well, on THAT note, I'll leave you to your day. I can't tell you how much it means that you're sticking with me through these updates that clearly provide too much information, and your comments rully, truly have cheered me up.


Apothica Giveaway

I am sooooo 'cited to have partnered with Apothica for a $25 gift card giveaway. For the love of Tammy Faye Bakker, they have a veritable SHMORGISHBORG of health and beauty stuff, from Too Faced to MD Perricone to Boscia, Fresh, and even La Mer, to about twelvity-five beeeelllion other brands. One that I am MOST excited about is Comptoir Sud Pacifique espesh at this time of year because their fragrances smell beachy and hebbinly. Vanilla Abricot? Vanilla Banana? Vanilla Coco????? Y-U-M.

Uhhhh, hello Fresh Supernova mascara (my favorite favorite mascara). I am coming for you.

You too, La Mer. I know we have never met, but it may be time to splurge.
What I'm sayin is this: GET TO COMMENTING, PEOPLE!!! To enter, first, you must be a follower of MBB, and then choose any or all of the following methods-o-entry:

Option 1: Facebook - one entry for each of the following

1.      Visit

2.      Write on Apothica’s Facebook wall about what you think of Apothica

Bonus: Opt in to Apothica’s Newsletter

Option 2: Twitter - one entry for each of the following

1.      Visit

2.      Tweet about Apothica on your own Twitter Account

Bonus: Retweet Apothica’s tweet about this giveaway

Option 3: Blog - one entry for each of the following

1.      Visit

2.      Write something on your blog about what you think of Apothica

Leave a comment for each entry stating what you did. Contest runs through May 5, so get on it!! Mwah!!


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

T3: Tummy Tuck Timeline, Wednesday

Yesterday was a bad one, peeps. Maybe worse than Monday because I didn't have so many drugs in my system. Every time I got up to use the bathroom my hips where the drains are felt like the searing pain of 10,000 burning suns. Okay, maybe not QUITE that dramatic, but they hurt like a mutha, especially the left one. The drainage is decreasing each day, which is good - mayhaps they will remove them Friday (fingers crossed) because once that bridge is crossed, from what I understand, I will feel mucho better-o.
Didn't do much other than sit in my recliner, sleep, eat, watch ANTM, and cruise the information superhighway. Talked to a few people on the phone, and it is AMAZING how much that can perk a person up.

I am eating pretty much anything I can (within reason), since I have yet to have a well, you know, ummmm, a number two? I haven't dropped a deuce? you catch my drift. Not to mention we're out of colace, so hopefully the Hubs can pick somma dat up today. WHAT? It's all part of the pipes down there, and if my recollection after my c-section is any indication, I am NOT looking forward to it AT ALL. Jesus, take the wheel.

Anypoop, thank you for all the well wishes you have made. I know I haven't replied to any so I'm doing it here. I sincerely appreciate them, and it makes my day every time I see one.


Orange Crush

ASOS keyhole dress
$72 -

Ankle strap sandal
$50 -

Mar Y Sol wooden handbag
$78 -

Sequin jewelry
$60 -

Blu Bijoux geometric earring
$43 -

Wood jewelry
$23 -

John hats accessories ORANGE
155 GBP -

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Bloggers Do It Better

Color blocking, that is. Black gold, Texas T.....okay, really it is just color blocking. Don't belive me? Check it out your damn self here. You're welcome!


T3: Tummy Tuck Timeline

Monday, 8 p.m.ish:Hobble into the living room to watch TV with The Hubs after the Trips go to bed. Watch two episodes of The Hills (uh, HELLOOOO new obsession), and can I just say I think Spencer Pratt is the most condescending, mooching, douchey asshole on TV EVER? I am completely serious. Camille Grammar? Like Mother Teresa compared to Spencer Pratt. I know I am a few years behind in my obsession, but just let me have it now, okay?
Have some tea and my favorite new cookie:

Nabisco Newton Fruit Thins in blueberry brown sugar? GET IN MY MOUF.
Watch Cougar Town (FINALLY it's back on already)! I love that show. Hang with The Hubs on the couch until beddy bye time, which means drain time.
10 p.m.ish
Drain the bags that are attached to the tummy, but which I thankfully do not have to see because of the HUGE crotchless binder I am wearing. Nothing says sexy time like a huge crotchless binder. The Hubs pretty much does the drain for me and records the amount on the sheet given to us by the doc's office. The Hubs rocks. He has done everything for me from giving me shots in the arse with the biggest needle I have ever seen when I was going through IVF, to now draining a nasty bodily-fluid-filled grenade from my belly. They will call each day to get our numbers, and when the amount draining decreases to a certain amount, the drains will come out. That day cannot come soon enough, because those fuckers are PAINFUL. Aside from the fact that my incision runs hip to hip, the drains (particularly the left one) feel like fire every time I get up to walk, which I am doing completely bent over. Not fun. My friend Gretchen (who had a tuck about 6 weeks ago) says the first 48 hours are the worst. Pray God that is right, because if so, I'm half-way there.

1:15 a.m., 3:45 a.m., 5:15 a.m.:
Percoset/muscle relaxer; antibiotic; Percoset time
Thankfully I am able to go right back to sleep each time. I am, in fact, surprised how well I have been able to sleep. Ah the wonders of drugs.

The Nevers

Ello, mates. The lurvly and HEEEE-larious Emily from Scented Glossy Magazines has graciously agreed to write a guest post for me whilst I am recovering in my boudoir as tanned and oiled men who look suspiciously like Sawyer from Lost fan me with palm fronds and rub maderma on my scar (and by "boudoir" I mean "Old Lazy Boy recliner with a wonky spring stuffed into the corner of my bedroom," and by "tanned and oiled men who look suspiciously like Sawyer from Lost fan me with palm fronds and rub maderma on my scar," I clearly mean "as I hide from my children..."). Enjoy. 
Oh, and Emily - I CONCUR. People who wear fake glasses have CLEARLY never had to endure ridicule as a child for wearing tinted Tootsie specs with their initials in gold stickers applied meticulously to the bottom corner of the lens. Or so I hear...

Hi everyone!  This is Emily from Scented Glossy Magazines and I have a question for you while our beloved Shans is recovering from her tuck o' the tummy.
Is there anything you would never, ever wear--no matter how high-fashion or cutting edge it may be?   For example:

You know what I'm talking about, right?  THOSE GLASSES.  I don't care if The Jenna Lyons is wearing them, or if a big high fashion name made them--I can't get behind that look.  To me, those glasses are in the same category as jeans with elastic waistbands and Tweety Bird sweatshirts. U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, ETC.
Occasionally I will force my husband to watch Project Runway with me, and one of his (many) objections is that fashion, like art, is totally subjective and not judge-able.  I agree with him to a certain point, but I also believe that there are some things that are clearly beautiful and/or interesting, and some things that don't look good on anyone under any circumstance.  Is it just me?  Tell me about it.

Monday, April 18, 2011

T3: Tummy Tuck Timeline

Sunday, 9 p.m.
Pop my valium (for anxiety) while listening to the boyz in the hood REFUSE to go to sleep. It hasn't kicked in yet. GRRRRRR....
Talk to Ames on the phone, who is disappointed I am not already hopped up on the goofball. Refuse adamantly when she asks if I will allow The Hubs to videotape me after surgery for her amusement.
10 p.m.
Nod off watching TV with The Hubs (just like every other night of my life, SANS happy pill)
Sometime in the night:
Dream I am at a bar and a blogger recognizes me and sends me a bag of candy. I can only assume the candy is present because apparently any time I take drugs it is (see: Ambien - while in the hospital on bedrest before the Trips came, I was taking Ambien to sleep, and one night in a drug-fueled haze said to the Hubs: "What kind of candy do you like? I like the kind that comes down a straw and right into my mouth.")
D-day (aka Monday)
6:30 a.m.
Alarm goes off to "We Are the Champions," which I take as a good sign. Hey, at least it wasn't "Fat Bottom Girls."
6:35 a.m.
Shower. Dry my hurr - it has to be good, cuz this shower is going to last me for 4 - 5 days until the drains come out. Blargh.
9 a.m.
Stand in bikini bottoms while the doc uses a blue felt-tip marker to doodle on my abdomen. Look slightly like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar after he writes all over his face with a blue pen.
Sometime around noon:
Wake groggily and peer through bleary eyes at two random faces waking me up in the recover room. I have no idea who they are. The nurse wheels me to the car. I get home and hobble sloooooowly to the couch. Eat chicken noodle souple (I'm wacked out on drugs which have clearly affected my ability to spell), and watch The Real Housewives of the OC before hobbling again to the recliner in my bedroom and crash. Hey I HAVE to get my RHOOC in, bitchez. My stomach feels like I have done a million crunches and then been punched a bejillion times.
Getting up to go to the bathroom is EXCRUCIATING.
5 p.m.
PERCOSET time. I have slept most of the day with HGTV playing in the background, which I have decided should be renamed The Only Show We Play Is House Hunters All Fucking Day TV.
7 p.m.
Watch Intervention In Depth: Heroin Highway. What better show to watch than one I will cleary end up on. MUSCLE-RELAXER TIME!

Irrational Fear

So my biggest weird irrational fear about the surgery? That I will be in a coma-like state from the anesthesia but still hear and feel everything that is going on. When I told the nurse that, she said a lot of people had the same fear, and promptly prescribed me some valium to take the night before. That nurse is The Shiz.

I took my before photos this weekend, which I will share later when I have some After photos to compare them to. I can sum them up in one word: SCURRY. For reals. When I had my last visit to the doc before surgery day, they took their own before photos. I stood there, and the nurse said, "okay, let out your stomach muscles." I thought I already had let them out, but apparently not. I have become so accustomed to automatically holding them in because I'm self-conscious about them that I had not seen them all hanging out (so to speak) maybe ever. Suffice it to say, I looked pregnant. NOT a good look.
Anyhooooo - here's to hoping I don't end up looking like this:

 or this:
THIS is what I'm leaning towards:

Needless to say, my blogging will be sporadic this week, if at all. I have a guest blogger who will be gracing us with her hilarity, a giveaway, and I hope to read Amy's recap of her UH-MAZ-ING experience last week. Surrsly - stick around. I'll be back in the saddle before you can say Joan Rivers.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Dear Shopbop,

Can I have one please?????

I promise I will feed it and love it and take care of it. I PROMISE. Or this one:

Please just gimme one. Just one????? This one is my FAVEY FAVE.

I mean it - I reaallllly will clean up after it, and bathe it, and love it. Just ONE leather skirt. Size medium. That's all I ask. I promise I won't bring any more home. Except maybe these pants: