Monday, April 18, 2011

T3: Tummy Tuck Timeline

Sunday, 9 p.m.
Pop my valium (for anxiety) while listening to the boyz in the hood REFUSE to go to sleep. It hasn't kicked in yet. GRRRRRR....
Talk to Ames on the phone, who is disappointed I am not already hopped up on the goofball. Refuse adamantly when she asks if I will allow The Hubs to videotape me after surgery for her amusement.
10 p.m.
Nod off watching TV with The Hubs (just like every other night of my life, SANS happy pill)
Sometime in the night:
Dream I am at a bar and a blogger recognizes me and sends me a bag of candy. I can only assume the candy is present because apparently any time I take drugs it is (see: Ambien - while in the hospital on bedrest before the Trips came, I was taking Ambien to sleep, and one night in a drug-fueled haze said to the Hubs: "What kind of candy do you like? I like the kind that comes down a straw and right into my mouth.")
D-day (aka Monday)
6:30 a.m.
Alarm goes off to "We Are the Champions," which I take as a good sign. Hey, at least it wasn't "Fat Bottom Girls."
6:35 a.m.
Shower. Dry my hurr - it has to be good, cuz this shower is going to last me for 4 - 5 days until the drains come out. Blargh.
9 a.m.
Stand in bikini bottoms while the doc uses a blue felt-tip marker to doodle on my abdomen. Look slightly like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar after he writes all over his face with a blue pen.
Sometime around noon:
Wake groggily and peer through bleary eyes at two random faces waking me up in the recover room. I have no idea who they are. The nurse wheels me to the car. I get home and hobble sloooooowly to the couch. Eat chicken noodle souple (I'm wacked out on drugs which have clearly affected my ability to spell), and watch The Real Housewives of the OC before hobbling again to the recliner in my bedroom and crash. Hey I HAVE to get my RHOOC in, bitchez. My stomach feels like I have done a million crunches and then been punched a bejillion times.
Getting up to go to the bathroom is EXCRUCIATING.
5 p.m.
PERCOSET time. I have slept most of the day with HGTV playing in the background, which I have decided should be renamed The Only Show We Play Is House Hunters All Fucking Day TV.
7 p.m.
Watch Intervention In Depth: Heroin Highway. What better show to watch than one I will cleary end up on. MUSCLE-RELAXER TIME!


Liv said...

Your hopped up on Percocet posts are far more eloquent and lucid than my stone-cold sober ones. Scary stuff.

So happy it all went well. Yay for candy!

Full House said...

What in the world..I need a valium just thinking about what you are going through. Surgery scares the crap out of me. I CAN NOT wait ti see your after pictures. Good for you and I am routing for you my love.

xx - CB

406 Olivia said...

You are a brave woman! I like that kind of slurpy straw candy best, too.


TokenBlonde said...

hahahahaha, your comment about HGTV is so damn true. I used to be able to watch it and get some amazing decorating DIYs (Design On a Dime anyone?) Now all I get is people saying over and over, "Well, I don't like the wall color." Just paint that shit and keep it movin! Geez. Anyway, hope you are doing well. Percocets FTW!!!!