Monday, December 20, 2010

WWD: Christmas Vacation

It's that time of year again, Christmas vacation. No, I'm not talking about pristine slopes of snowy ground waiting for sleds and hot chocolate:

I'm talking about this:

The yearly family Christmas with the ENTIRE extended family, all 289 of us crammed into the basement of a church because it's the only place that holds everyone, with every kind of carb spread out on the chipped Formica counters as far as the eye can see (what can I say? we like to carbo load).

It's that time of year when everyone hands out their Christmas cards, and they all contain the CHEEEESY letter about how the family did this year, those letters that gush about how perfect life is? My sister and I plotted once to write one that told all about our raging case of herpes, having to put the cat to sleep, and our traumatic dealings with chronic halitosis. Alas, that letter never came to fruition. Sigh. Am I the only one who cringes when receiving them? Call me Scrooge. In all honesty, we DID receive one from my cousin and his wife that was funny, realistic, and a great read.

Don't even get me started on the food. I am not kidding you when I say that I counted four or five economy sized crock pots of mashed potatoes. Seriously? Do we need that many? My family has a history of heart disease and diabetes (on mom's side - dad's side's gift is cancer, high blood pressure and high cholesterol - yay us!), yet I did not see one "green" dish there. Sorry, I don't count the green bean casserole laden with cream of mushroom soup as a green dish. Ah, to dream of a day where there is a big vat of fire-roasted vegetables....We DID have homemade noodles, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes covered in butter, brown sugar and macadamia nuts (heaven on a plate, it was), green rice casserole, more potatoes, rolls rolls and more rolls, hashed brown casserole, and the obligatory turkey and ham. And potatoes. Oh, and the dessert table. Let's not even go there. What did YOU bring, Shannan? You may ask. Oh, I'm guilty too - I brought a butternut squash toasted pecan goat cheese gratin that is DIVOONE, but I can assure you, with two cups of cream in it, the ONLY time I make it is at Thanksgiving or Christmas.

I'm not saying that I didn't partake of a variety of dishes - I did, but I took a tablespoon of each, instead of heaping mounds (though I could have bathed in that sweet potato brown sugar macadamia nut delicacy). Maybe this is all me, because nothing grosses me out more than piles of mediocre food - it's one of the reasons I HATE restaurant buffets. Blech. Give me a small portion of beautifully presented, incredible food instead of tons of watered down slop. I'm not even saying you shouldn't partake at holiday times. Go for it. Knock your socks off. I'll just be in the corner rocking gently back and forth.

I get that it is very hard to change your eating habits - when you've eaten fried everything all your life, it's not so appealing to suddenly change to steamed or sauteed or roasted, but it can be done. And then to consider - gasp - throwing in a trip to the gym or a run around the block???? Don't even go there. I've already been told by both my parents how selfish I am for actually GOING TO THE GYM. I know, I know, I am a horrible person. I can only imagine what they'll say when I tell them I'm planning to have a tummy tuck. Eeee-gads.
And now if you'll excuse me - I need to get to the gym to work off 15 different kinds of potatoes.
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Velvet blazer: NY&Co
Skirt: F21
Sweater, which you really can't see: Old Navy
Booties: Target
Scarf: Gift from sis, The Limited
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Merci!
Shannan

4 comments:

Full House said...

I love Christmas Vacation. You would be my hero if you really included a letter about herpes and stuff in your Christmas card..too funny.

Most importantly, you continue with your skills @ putting outfits together.

Diana Mieczan said...

I am so looking forward to Christmas:) I cant wait...Btw: your skirt is so beautiful:) Have a great day, my dear

Courtnee said...

We moved into our house 5 yrs ago and there is still one family that sends a Christmas letter every year for the old owners!

I think I've gained 5lbs in the last week!Not Cool at all:( I need to get a workout in but I'm too busy stuffing my face with mini potato skins and Christmas cookies:D

bad breath said...

95% of bad breath is from the mouth sinus and throat. When I notice a client has halitosis/bad breath or complains of post nasal drip and tonsil stones despite having healthy teeth & gums, I advise the client to visit the site of Oraltech Labs. I can report clients return visits have undetectable Halitosis/bad breath. So if all else fails direct them to Oraltech Labs. USA & UK. Association of Dental Health