Monday, August 31, 2009

Stuff We Would Kiss On The Mouf: Project Runway Recap

Yep, it's time for our weekly PR recap. I don't know about Amy, but I was not thrilled with the challenge, probably because once you have been pregnant and discover the CHEAP CRAP that is sold for roughly 875 gold doubloons, and then have to wear maternity clothing after the baby (or BABIES, for some of us) are born, and you are SO SICK of elastic waistbands, giant panels that squeeze your belly, and then fall apart after the first wash, you typically do not want to think about maternity wear EVER. AGAIN.

Or maybe that's just me.

Anyhoozle - here goes. Enjoy!

Merci, Shan

Amy here: Having never ejected a tiny human, I cannot empathize with your above sentiment. I can only speak to this challenge in two ways this morn: 1) Maybe I liked it because I could pass as pregnant these days and 2) don't expect me to "bring it" this week as I spent a couple hours on the bathroom floor last night with what I can only hope wasn't Paul putting rat-poison in my dinner.

Now then...

The Winner: Shirin

Shan: I didn't love this dress, and in fact thought it was booooooring, even though Shirin is so adorable I would like to carry her around in my pocket.

Amy: I, on the other hand, loved this. I thought the waist detail she did was lovely and the color of this was so rich and scrumptious like a nice merlot. AND she made a coat. Coats get big ups from me.

Should Have Won: Irina

Shan: I was actually conflicted over who was my favorite. Irina's dress, though a-dor-a-ble, had IMPOSSIBLE bewbie holders for one who is with child. I mean, girlfriend might as well be taping a BandAid over those thangs for no more material than she used. NOT practical for the giant, rock-hard, jugs-o-wonder one acquires during pregnancy.

Amy: I, too, enjoy this dress but something about it reads a little too Home Ec for me. I think it's the color combination for some reason.


Shan: Louise, Louise, Louise, are you going to hot glue a giant corsage onto EVERY dress? Please try to mix it up next week. Still, this was another one in reviewing the photos that I really liked a lot. Very vintage fat-girl chic.

Amy: I think this does really border on being unrealistic as a frock outside of the boudoir, but it's still my favorite. I think it is a stunning choice for pregnant floozies everywhere. I kid, it's so floopy and flowy and pretty. Love.

The "I Can't Believe It's Not Crap" Award Goes to....

Shan: Seriously. In loading these photos tonight, I actually think this one is one of my faves. Understated, nice color, interesting neckline, not a hint of Donatella Versace's bowel movement in sight.

Amy: It was like she watched last week's episode with us and was as mortified as we were at her creation. Girl stepped it up. I'm still a wee bit afraid of her thought because DID ANYONE NOTICE WHAT SHE WAS WEARING with that denim and leather patchwork outfit? It was an OUTFIT for the love of Vic Tayback.

The Loser: Malvin

Shan: Oh Malvin, you poor little chickadee. NO pregnant woman wants to look like a giant Cadbury egg.

Amy: Put some sleeves on this and you almost have a straight-jacket, which is what home-girl needs for designing this baby sling gone wild.

Should Have Lost: Mitchell

Shan: The fit of those shorts alone should've been enough to send Mitchell home. What is he - the token gay of Project Runway? For real though, I actually thought his outfit was cute, but completely unbelievable as an outfit for a pregnant woman (at least one who has carried triplets). I think Mitchell's time has come and gone.

Amy: Unfortunate about these shorts because this was one of the cutest outfits. I can't even look at that picture without giggling. Those are terribew.


Shan: This dress was pretty, but I'm guessing most of the women designing tonight have never been pregnant, or they would've been more GENEROUS with the material over the boobular region.

Amy: I concur.


Shan: Meh. Just meh. That's all I got.

Amy: Yeah, I'm sure tons of pregnant women would line up to wear that??? Seriously, no offense, but I don't want to see most pregnant women anywhere near something like this.


Shan: Ditto comment above. I do want to say, however, that Logan's model is a leeeeetle too Fatal Attraction for my taste.

Amy: How on earf is this anything remotely interesting? Oh yeah, it's not.


Shan: Okay, I realize the designers were designing for Rebecca Romain-O'Connell, but do they realize the average pregnant woman DOES NOT LOOK LIKE REBECCA ROMAIN O'CONNELL? There was an over-abundance of reeeeaaallllly tight maternity wear on that runway.

Amy: Amen. Hallelujah. It was kind of nice to see a longer dress though because I'm sure I would be wanting to wear a the biggest and longest thing I could find if I ever decided to breed.


Shan: Now THIS is a cute, wearable, funky maternity outfit. Likey.

Amy: I want now. This IS wearable. Okay, if you don't have huge legs. Still, cute with maternity pants or jeans.

And the award for the "I'm With Stupid" pointing tee-shirt of maternity wear goes to.....

Top Ra'mon

Shan: Actually, it wasn't that bad. I thought it was kind of cute, but then, I'm a freak.

Amy: I was feeling it until the white/grey part stepped in. Still, at least he tried something different. I kind of like him, too. He's adorable. The fit on this is ghastly though.


Shan: Oy vey. Bad with the big bulky sleeveless jacket, even worse as a Saturday Night Fever jumpsuit. Dude, that was a big, shiny, tight, white mess.

Amy: I've done that whole shawl thing with a big scarf before and didn't have to sew one stitch. I have not done the jumpsuit lurking beneath though and never intend to. You're all welcome.


Shan: I'm Meh on this one too. Nothing terrible about it, just not terribly exciting either.

Amy: Boooooooooooooring.

Darryl Carol Hannah

Shan: Is that a curtain swag under her belly or what? No. Just no.

Amy: I likey the little jacket and loved other details on this dress that are hidden by it. Loves the color, too. Golf claps.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Take A Bow

Something about this from Ribbons and Lace me loves. Maybe it's the subtlety?


Subtlety, Thy Name Is Amy.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Stuff We Would Punch In the Mouf: Ed Hardy

Dear Mr. Audigier,
Stop. Just stop. Enough with the tattooed tees and trucker's caps. Please.

For the love of Roberta Flack, your designs are killing me softly with their craptastic tackitude. I am serious. You know it's bad when I think this:

looks worse than this:

Or not. Aaaaaaaaackkkkk - my eyes! My eyes!!!! Woman - get thee to a hairdresser and whack that backwards mullet off yo head.



Don't get me started. Don't EVEN get me started. This crap literally molests my eyeballs every time I see it. I feel so violated by our own post.

That is all,


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Stuff We Would Kiss On the Mouf: Jewreys

Despite the fact that I thought she was a sore loser in last week's Project Runway All Stars, I still think Korto Momolu is a damn good designer, and after seeing some of the jewelry that she designs (or as Ames and I like to call it - "jewreys" - I think she may even be better at that. Don't take my word for it though - check it your damn self below.

Latte Punch Necklace

OMGosh Necklace

Shangrila II Necklace

Yes, she should have won PRAS. Sigh. They were right...she does make clothes that you want to wear. And jewries.

She also makes me want to hire her a photographer for her website. Wow. I'm no Gilles Bensimon (ANTM Hollllaaaaa) but surely Korto knows a photographer that could hook her up with some better snaps. Surely.

xoxo - Ames

Monday, August 24, 2009

What I've Learned

If you decide you are going to just take a bite of a Kashi Dark Chocolate Coconut Granola Bar, what you are really saying is, "I'm about to eat a Kashi Dark Chocolate Coconut Granola Bar" so you may as well just go ahead and chalk that up to 120 calories and factor that into your day.

Delish. me.


Stuff We Would Kiss On the Mouf: Project Runway Recap

Settle in, folks, it's time for our first Project Runway recap. Annnnd we're off!

First of all - why was Lindsay Lohan a guest judge? Oh yeah, I guess her extensive knowledge of leggings, oversized tees and second day, slept-in hair and makeup would make anyone an expert.

Was it just me, or did it seem like almost everyone's red carpet looks could've come from the same boring collection? Seriously - they were all very muted, blah, boring, satin and silk looks. I don't have a problem with muted collections if there is something fabulous about the construction, which I personally didn't see in (m)any of these looks. Let's break it down, yo.

Amy: No, I concur. If we were breaking up with Project Runway Week One, we would say, "It's not us. It's you."

Christopher - The Winner

Shan: This was a cute look, but there was no ooomph for me. I did like the peek-a-boo ruffles at the bottom (very Cat Deeley), and maybe it was the color of the dress that I didn't like, but overall, it was okay.

Amy: Yes, this was very much like the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup wrapper frock of yore, but it was far more interesting than most of the outfits in this snoozefest. For that, I give you props. Now then, send me some Reese's...nom nom nom.

Shan: Should Have Won: This was my favorite look. It reminded me of some Monique Lhuillier gowns that I've seen. Love the deep halter, love the ribbon on the waist, and the flowiness (yes, that's a word) of the skirt. I didn't completely love the color, but das just me.

Amy: Yep, my faves, too. It was just elegant. So mucha ML wedding gown look, but I'm okay with that because it was really well done and one of the only ones that made me want to catch the bulimia so I could wear it.

Ari - The Loser

Shan: Of course I was rooting for my home-town girl, despite her "woodland fairy" persona and horrific piece whatever it was. Hey, maybe she can work on getting a job now as the costume queen for the local revival of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Unitard." I was hoping that she would stay in so we could see some of her artistry and conceptual design, but sadly, girlfriend just did not execute what she did well enough.

Amy: My sister said it best in her Facebook status on Friday when she simply put "We just weren't ready for Ari."


Shan: Should Have Been Auf'd. Qristal. I'm so embarrassed for you - it's spelled CRYSTAL. No matter - let's get to the dress. How in the world this piece of crap didn't get Qhwristalllle sent home toot sweet is beyond me. The ruching is a travesty, the floral pattern is even worse. U-G-H. It's like the two worst dresses at Deb's Dress Barn bumped uglies, and this is the mutant baby that was born from their unholy union. It's like the Quasi-Modo of fashion. It's the Sloth Fratelli from the Goonies of the red carpet.

Okay, I think I'm done now.

Amy: This is what I imagine Donatella Versace's bowel movements look like.


Shan: Oh, I'm sorry - I must've dozed off watching this booooooring dress.

Amy: Curious to see the rest of her creations that do double duty. I just wished this one would have doubled as something cute.


Shan: Oops! There I go sleeping again! BORING. Did anyone else think this model looked like the tranny model from ANTM a few cycles ago?

Amy: I literally just died of lack of excitement.


Shan: This dress wasn't bad, but again, it was slightly boring to me. I wish he would've used some color or print.

Amy: Okee, pretty and probably one of the only ones that I can actually see on the Red Carpet, so there's that. Yeah, that's all I got.


Shan: When I was downloading photos, I have to admit I didn't even remember this dress from the other night, but I actually do like the banded detailing he has used on the front of it. I wouldn't necesarily consider this a red carpet dress - even for the VMAs or Grammys, but it's cute enough.

Amy: I'm really over the whole strips of fabric used to make an outfit. Someone does that every season, so I have to deduct points for that.


Shan: Come and knock on our dooooor, we've been waiting for yoooooou....oh sorry - I look at this dress and immediately starting singing the theme to Three's Company. Again, I feel like Mitchell could've/should've gone home with this lil number. It was SEE THROUGH. What the eff? Not to mention a hideous color. It could've been slightly Mrs. Roper fab with a hot print, but again, it's just blah. And that horrible neck noodle needs. ta. GO.

Amy: Okay, if he really got bogus measurements and thus had to trash his first attempt, that is just wrong. I was really curious to see the first look. He was rocking that smocking.


Shan: Giant corsage on the shoulder? Yes, please. Diaperriffic droop on the skirt? No thank you. Try again.

Amy: LOVE the detail on the bodice. Loathe the hemline on the bodom. If this was full-length I would be swooning.


Shan: For the love of Tony Orlando and Dawn, will someone PLEASE liven these people up next week? I do not want to be bored to death on my first week recap!!!!

Amy: It's gonna get better, right? I mean, you're cute so it would be nice to see you for a few weeks. Maybe you could just walk to runway?


Shan: FINALLY! Even though I don't feel his dress translates well in this photo, I actually really liked this dress. It was slinky and sexy, but in a completely unexpected way. Loved the back, loved the red, loved the black sparkles. Didn't espesh love the shoes with it, but overall, this one was a keeper.

Note to Johnny - okay girlfriend, you've gotten your "But I used to be a meth addict, HOLD ME TIM GUNNNNNNN!" cry-fest out. Let's move on. We don't need a Season Six Crybaby - that is played OUT.

Amy: I wanted to like this more than I did. I loves me a good overcoming addiction story and while it wasn't bad, and was certainly better than most, I still didn't love it. There was almost just a little too much going on for a dress that is at glance, simple.

And, re: the crying. As Shan mentioned, you can stop. Ricky Season 4 cried the CRAP out of the season so don't even try to take his crown. You will fail.


Shan: Ill-fitting, and something about the waist (or lack of) doesn't seem quite right. The origami look could be cool in a different outfit, but I don't like it here.

Amy: We are thiiiiiiis close to seeing her bewbies. Gorgeous color but that's my highest compliment.

Bob Marley...I mean, Epperson:

Shan: This was another I really liked. Again, the color wasn't the best for me, but I loved the detailing on the skirt, the neckline, and that huge wrap around the neck. Tres chic.

Amy: I'm a sucker for a dramatic neckline, but this one looks like it's about to eat her. She looks hot. And her legs look itchy. I am looking forward to seeing more of him though because at least he didn't make me want to poke sticks in my eyes from boredom.

Carol Hannah:

Shan: I don't like this as well in photo as I did on the show, because I really loved the detailed pleating on the bodice, and it just doesn't translate here for me. I like the idea of using color in graduating intensity, but, I'll say it again, just don't love the color itself here.

P.S. I thought Amy Winehouse did a FAB job on the runway with this one.

Amy: Same here, I thought it looked better on TV but now that I see it again I have to pull out a Tim Gunn here and just say "that's a lotta look." And, you should know, I'm going to call you Darryl Hannah.


Shan: I'll start by saying I actually DID love the silvery blue of this dress, and the fluidity of the skirt, but I do NOT like the "I got these flowers at Hobby Lobby and hot-glued them onto my boobs" aspect of the dress.

Amy: Haven't I seen you somewhere before? Okay, Dress, you're pretty. There. There. I'm just not feeling like you're anything new.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

An Open Letter to Amy

Hollywood MUST be listening. Check the movie that is coming out in September. I mean, it doesn't have Gerard Butler, Colin Farrell, Hugh Jackman (huge WHAT?), and Daniel Craig, but it DOES have GB and THIS fox:

I'm pretty sure this means that Spielberg or Scorsese or Coppola is keeping up with our blog every day. Those movie offers are going to start rolling in ANY DAY NOW. YES!!!!


Stuff We Would Kiss On The Mouf: Part One Of ? Part Series

So, after seeing a number on the scale that I haven't seen in over 10 years I am for real with the whole "okay, I mean it this time" and am working on losing 12lbs in 12 weeks for a big event in October. I'm so there.

And, no, I'm not THAT big of a freak that I have me weight written down from 10 years ago. I just happen to know b/c in January 2000 I set out to lose weight for my 10 yr HS Reunion that Summer. I was so not gonna be the girl that went back all fat...which I was. That's the Prom Queen's job. So, yay me, I lost over 40 lbs from January to July that year and killed it at the Reunion. I kind of rock.

Fast forward to this last year...personal drama has sent me into emotional eating and general laziness. Great combo. I highly recommend it if you want to feel terrible! You can do it! Ask me how!

So, I'm on a mission (3.5 lbs down from last Monday by working out and not eating everything not nailed down...holla) and thus am starting a new series:

Things I Remembered I Loved Now That I Saw That
number on the scale.

Spin Class:

Okay, not all Spin classes. I specifically stopped Spinning when I moved to St. Louis because I didn't like the instructors. Yes, I'm a Spin Snob. I got spoiled when I lived in Columbia and had awesome teachers and the best classmates evah at our 6am classes every day. I also had a markedly better view from behind. In fact, Shan calls me "Pooper" because I told her the story of a guy that told my then boyfriend, "She has a great pooper" one time when I left the table. It is important to note that A) that is disgusting and B) the guy was a redneck coworker and NOT a friend. Stay Klassy Koworker.

Anyhoo, after waaaaaaay too long away from THE MOST EXPENSIVE GYM IN THE WORLD (that's for you, Shan) I finally thought I'd give it a try again.

Enter the Saturday morning teacher.

Cue Luther Vandross. (R.I.P. Luther.)

Oh, Shelley, I love you. I love your music selection. I love that you don't just sit and climb the whole freaking hour (talking to you Monday night teacher). I love that we get to sprint because, let's face it, I'm really freaking fast. I love that I feel like a complete and total badass on a bike that doesn't move since I never learned how to ride a bike growing up. I love that I sweat like a donkey trekking around the sun's surface.

I'll see you in 2 more sleeps. I can honestly say, I can't wait. Merci!

You go girl with your Spin class. Please, take one for me, too. I have only done Spin a few times in me life, and told the friend I went with if I fell off the bike to just leave me there until class was over, so if you can do Spin, go ON witcho bad self, mama. I will stay with TurboKick and Zumba, thank you very much.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What Does This MEAN?????

I had a dream the other night that I was trying to plan a meeting for a jackass that I worked for in a previous company, and in the midst of running around trying to get last minute prep done, Brandon Flowers from The Killers was also running around. Naked. Not that I mind Brandon Flowers running around naked - as Amy says - he pretty. It was just perplexing.

Anyone who would care to interpret this dream is welcome to do so in the comments.

That is all.



It means he wants me. Durrrrrrrrrrr. Derp.Derp.Derp.

Did I mention that in the dream BF was holding a sign that said "I do NOT want Aaaaammmmmy?" Well, he was.


Guess who had the "Look of the Day" on Looklet on Tuesday? Lil ole me -and it wasn't even one of my better looks. I'm sure that job offer as Rachel Zoe's assistant will be coming ANY DAY NOW.

If you have been on Looklet (or Cracklet, as I like to refer to it) you know the joyous time waster that it is. And please - don't judge me by the number of looks I have created (or the lame-o title on my look of the day look). I tell you - it's like CRACK!!! If you haven't, well then, check it before you wreck it. What's not to love about virtual paper dolls you can dress and re-dress any old way you want? Don't say you haven't been warned.



Tuesday, August 18, 2009

First Ever MBB Contest!

You may already be a winner!

I am excited to announce the first ever Merci Blah Blah Contest. Leave a comment here and I will randomly pick a winner.

Tell 'em what they win, Bob! YOU get to answer emails from my side business that I have in addition to my "real job" and my beloved charity that is BLOWING UP, yo! Exciting stuff happening.

Seriously.I.Cannot.Answer.All.My.Emails. HELP. Calgon.

Good luck!

If you need me I'll be the one in the corner rocking back and forth like fetal crouched crackhead.

Stuff We Would Kiss On the Mouf: Don't Make Me Repeat Myself

Glamourai, Glamourai - you are a constant source of fashion inspiration, and now not only do I find that YOU are fabulous, apparently your mother is as well. Readers, check here to see what I mean. For real - yo mama buys you THIS:

My mother would buy me THIS (and say - "but it's a LIZ CLAIRBORNE!!!"):

Glamourai chops off the bottom of fabooo dress and makes THIS:

Is that fair, I ask you?????? I think not.



Dude, you want me to add to this? I can't do that. I can't make fun of your mother. Wait, does she call it "Nordstroms" with the "s" that brings me to the brink of kitten punching? If she does, then all bets are off and I'm going after her with both barrels.

xoxo -
Shan Again Here:
No, I don't think Nordstrom(s) is in her shopping field of vision, but she DOES insist on calling Old Time Pottery (i.e. lots of cheap crap) Pottery Barn, which drives me to the brink of insanity. There. I'm insane. HOWEVER, I DID just pick she and dad up from el aeropuerto, and they are safely back on American soil after their 3-week jaunt in Germany. Thank the hebbins above. For some reason, they do NOT want to babysit tomorrow. HMMMPFH! Some people just can't hold their 24-hour travel time!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Stuff We Would Kiss On the Mouf: SUIIIIII-ttt

I do not watch Gossip Girl, but after seeing this collection from Anna Sui inspired by the show, I feel like I need to add it into my rotation. There are some SERIOUSLY cute pieces here, and the best part? Dude, you can find them at TARGET starting September 13.

Elll-ohhh-veee-eee the window-pane trim on this lil grey number.
Autumnal colors? Check. Old-man-plaid faux vintage mini? Check. Tights with boots? Check check. Adorable ensemble? Here I come!

My Favey Crockett of allll the looks. The dress? The sweater? The tights/boots combo? There is nothing I don't love about this one. Apparently my favorite of all the characters on the show is Vanessa, whoever that is. I'll have to googly-oooogle to find out.

Another Vanessa inspired number. Tuni-licious.

So faux retro hippie with a little puffy George Costanza jacket that I am DYING here.

Hello, sexy secretary. I love you.

The only thing I don't like about this is the blue bow at the neck. Otherwise, it totally reminds me of my girl crush, Cat Deeley's dress that we reviewed here (just scroll to the bottom, durrrrr)....
Ames - would you like to weigh in?????
Ames here: I WOULD like to weigh in as soon as somebody gets some smelling salts all up under my nose because I think I just passed out. I want it all. All of it. Every thread of it. Gimme. What the cute is going on here? We're going to look so fab in our matching outfits, Shan.