Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Stuff We Would Kiss On the Mouf: The Top Five Free Pass List

In light of recent events, I thought it was time to reevaluate my top five list. You know, the top five free passes that you get if you ever run into said person and have the opportunity for the sexy time? That top five. Anyhoozle, in no particular order, here goes. Enjoy!


Bradley Cooper

I did not like Bradley Cooper when I saw him in Wedding Crashers. He wasn't even a blip on the radar of hotness. I just hated his character, so I didn't take notice of him. Sometime in the recent past, however, I have become QUITE aware of his, well, I mean - just LOOK at him. That longish, floppy hair, those blue eyes, I mean come onnnnn. And he's funny? AND he may be dating my OTHER BFF (besides Cat Deeley) and long time NSC (Non Sexual Crush), Jennifer Aniston? Of COURSE he's on the list.

Ryan Reynolds

Do I really need to explain this one?

Colin Farrell
I loves me some Irish boys. And Mr. F has that I Need A Shower Because I Just Had The Sexy Time look about him, not to mention that he can play dramatic or funny and is ALWAYS charming (I mean, did you see his acceptance speech at the Golden Globes where he was soooo humble and sweet and adorable?), and, and, annnnnd he was on one of my fave-o shows of all time, Scrubs, and was hilarious, so why WOULDN'T he be on my top five?

Ewan McGregor

First of all, he can SING (be still my heart, Moulin Rouge); secondly, I think it is written in his contract that he has to be naked in every movie he ever makes; thirdly, have you HEARD the lovely Scottish brogue that rolls off his tongue? 'Nuff said.

Paul Rudd

Holy hell - that hair, those eyes, that smile - Paul "Mr. Brian Fantana Sex Panther" Rudd is the HOTTEST boy next door I ever did see. He really is like that guy you went to college with who was smart and hilarious and hot all rolled into one, that you had a complete crush on while you were "just friends," yet you hoped every time you were together that it was going to move to the next level, until one drunken night when you both had too much Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine and ended up mashing at a party, never to speak of it again. Hypothetically.

Amy here:
Shan, I am jumping on your Paul Rudd. I mean jumping on your Paul Rudd bandwagon. EASY! DOWN TIGER. I love to wax poetic here but I really can only add to this by saying: "He adorable." I.love.adorable.

And now, my new and improved list. (Sidebar: None of which are cuter than my husband. Or more adorable. Or funnier. Do you think any of THESE GUYS would fill the hall with the oodles of birthday balloons I blew up for them on Saturday and run down the hallway shouting "balllooooons" with me? I mean not that we did that.........)

Simon Baker
G'day mate. Seriously. I don't even watch that show he's in so I'm sure some of you die-hard Simon Baker fans out there that just Googled his name and stumbled across this blog are going to let me hear about it. But I'm sorry, I don't think watching his show means you think he's cuter than I do. What I DO know is that back in the days of yore before Simon Baker was even in my conscious mind (I really don't think I knew he was at all to be honest) I had a dream this guy was in it. Fast forward to some random day when I finally got around to seeing Devil Wears Prada on On Demand eons after it had been out and there he was...the guy from my dream. Freaky, right?

Then again, maybe the guy in my dream was...

Scott Speedman

As long as I've been crushin' on Ben, er, Scott Speedman, it never hit me until just now that he and Simey look a lot alike. MEOW. Yes, I will still watch Felicity reruns when they are on. Yes, I have seen them all a hundred times. Yes, I still cry. Don't judge me. It's Felicity, people. It's BEN. Come ON! Where my Felicity people at? Can I get a witness?
Shan here: I never watched Felicity - have never seen it in my life. Still, Scott Speedman could be an alternate on my list any day of the week. Okay - CARRY ON!

And now for the dark haired boys who play guitar and sing and make interesting faces whilst doing so portion of the evening...

John Mayer
Okay, sure there are countless reports of his douchery. Do I care? Nay. NAY I SAY. Even I don't believe everything I read on the interwebs. And I'm reallllllly gullible. I mean, I actually believe that John Mayer may Tweet me back and then read this some day so I need to defend him. See, gullible. Oh wait, that's less gullible and more pathetic and hopeless. Where was I? Oh, he pretty. He sings. He plays guitar. He writes songs. He is sarcastic and funny. 'Nuff said.

Kris Allen

Do I really have to go over this again with you guys? At some point it's just gonna get awkward for all of us? Oh what was that? Too late. Fair enough. I realize it's not healthy. And now that I forced Shan and Natasha to watch all the performances of him on Idol I still had saved on my DVR when they came to visit, maybe it's time to move on and delete. After I watch them onnnnnnnnnne or twelvity five more times.

So who's on your list, kittens? Do tell. In the words of my Number Six, Jon Stewart, "Go Onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....."

Shan here again: Amy - do you realize you only have four on your top five list? Or do you think you're counting MY Paul Rudd? I don't THINK so.....


Natasha said...

1. Simon Baker
2. John Mayer
3. Bradley Cooper
4. Stephen Colbert & Jon Stewart
5. Any one else that wants to have sex with me right now because I am so hard up and need a boy friend.


MerciBlahBlah said...

Girrrrrrl, you NAAAASTY.


Dawn said...

Must weigh in on this -
5. Luke Wilson
4. Jake Gyllenhaal
3. Gilles Marini
2. Rob Thomas
1. Ryan Reynolds

I have a lot of honorable mentions, that should one of the above be unwilling or unable to fulfill their duties my runner's up could fill in. Such as, John Legend, Clive Owen, Jude Law and of course Mr Pitt.

SGM said...

That photo of Ryan Reynolds almost made me pass out. I'm afraid to even see his new movie because I know it will just upset me to see him make out with Sandra Bullock.

Have either of you considered Dennis Leary? My initial thought was "eh, not really" but then someone convinced me to watch Rescue Me and my, my, my! Dirrrrrty hot.

MerciBlahBlah said...

Oh Mama - I just saw a commercial w/Dennis Leary in it last weekend and had the same reaction, but then, I've always thought there was a lil sumpin sumpin about him.

And Ryan Reynolds???? Homina homina. I didn't go into it, but he is SO sarcastically funny in every movie it makes me tingle. Ryan Reynolds - would u go out with me? Check one: Yes___ No___Please have my baby___


Beth & Brian said...

Don't be jealous...but I've met Paul Rudd. Yep, at the good ole Ameristar Casino. It was before the time of camera phones, so I have no evidence.

Check out some vintage Paul Rudd in the Baz Luhrman Romeo and Juliet movie! I show it in my classes every year...it's one of my all time faves. He's just a tiny little baby in it!

p.s. No one has David Beckham or Jack Johnson on their list?? Come on!