Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Stuff We Would Kiss On The Mouf: Christopher Elbow

Okay, so maybe we wouldn't kiss Christopher Elbow on the mouth...or maybe we would. He deserves big sloppy kisses as a matter of fact for bringing the most delicious artisanal chocolate to the world. Don't believe us?

A) You should.
B) Fine.

Believe Food and Wine Magazine. They don't just award everyone the title of NUMBER ONE CHOCOLATE, do they? No. No they do not. That would be rather pointless, wouldn't it? Like giving every kid a trophy in T-Ball. Dumb. I don't even have kids but I'm sure if I did they would be better T-Ball players than yours. At which point I would snatch the "pity trophies" out of your childrens' tiny little hands.

But anyhoo, Christopher Elbow - It's not just chocolate. It's art. It's chartolate. I know what you're thinking. "Are you in marketing, Amy?" Why yes. Yes I am. With gems like "chartolate" I think it's pretty clear. Duh.

But enough about me. Let's talk about me talking about Christopher Elbow. Just look. These ain't your mamas Chocolate Easter Eggs. Yo, Easter Bunny. Peep this. Not only can I vouch for how delish CE's confections are to my mouth region, but you can see with your eyeball region how gorgeous they are to boot.

They melt in my mouth, not in my hands. Mainly because I just stick my face in the box and get all up on it. Oh, Fresh Lime Chocolate (milk chocolate ganache infused with fresh lime juice and zest) you win. You got me. I'm not made of wood, people.

Shan - I believe the floor is yours. Don't slip on my puddle of drool, Kitten.

Ode to Christopher Elbow (and Natty Lite), by Shannan

Christopher Elbow

delicious chocolate beckons

bring it to my mouf.

I was inspired to write this tome when I logged in last night and saw Amy's next draft subject - Christopher Elbow - my favorite chocolatier EVER, besides Willie Wonka. And the haiku format? Well, that is inspired by Natty Lite, of the Blanc Burger review below, and of the fuh-huh-hunny blog My Hair Is Better Than Yours. It speaks for itself, but since we do not have Mr. Elbow - YET - guest writing for us, I am HAPPY to extoll his virtures.

C is for Chocolate, and his is SERIOUSLY the Best. I've. Ever. Had.

H is for cHocolate, wait, isn't that how this is supposed to go?

O is for chOcolate...okay, maybe not....

Meh, let's scrap that idea, because Christopher Elbow is a LONG name when you have to come up with a description that starts with each letter.

Let me start off by saying that first of all - it has been FAR too long since I have visited Mr. E's shop. I haven't even been to his new location, I'm ashamed to say. That settles it - I am going this weekend. Natty, are you in? Amy - why oh WHY don't you live in KC???????? My personal Favey Crockett that Christopher Elbow offers is the Fleur de Sel, which, according to the website is a soft caramel ganache made with French sea salt, and according to my mouf is GOOOOOOD, and my mouf doesn't lie. My HIPS lie (despite what Shakira says), but my mouf doesn't.

Along w/the Fleur de Sel, Elbow offers such exotic flavahs of love as Bananas Foster, Strawberry Balsamic Caramel, Champagne, Banana Curry, Rosemary Caramel, Cabernet Caramel, and Lavender Caramel, among others. In the words of the immortal Miss Teen South Carolina, "I personally belieeeeeve his caramels are the best of everything he offers, and I'm not even a huge caramel candy fan." Okay, Miss Teen South Carolina did NOT say that, but if you want to see what she did say, click here. I DIGRESS, HOWEVER. Back to my original statement though - what I lurve about his caramels are that they are not the big hard blog of caramel that stick in your teeth and pull out your molars. They are creamy, buttery, sweet and just a little salty, and melt in your mouth. Oh mama - I think I need a minute to collect myself.

I don't know what else I can say to convince you - just peruse his website, take a trip down to 1819 McGee Street if you're in Kansas City, and try it your darn self . Get the bribery money out for the grandparents, honey - we're heading to Christopher Elbow this weekend!!!


Ginger said...

OMG, I am dying laughing reading this post!