Tuesday, March 31, 2009

An Open Letter to J. Crew

Dear J. Crew,

I know what you're trying to do, and you can suck it. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. You send me your catalog with its adoooooorable little cardigans and summer dresses, your boyfriend jeans distressed juuuuust so, your AMAZING jewelry, your key-oooot shoes, and your INSANE prices and expect me to buy something? Aren't you just supposed to be Old Navy on steroids? Who do you think you are? You try to suck me in with something like this:

or this:

innocent little tissue tees for $39. Price isn't toooo bad, but come ON - they're TISSUE tees, for the love of Gavin MacLoud! Still, they're only $39 - maybe I could get both... No matter - you suck me in, because I WILL buy one (maybe both..) and then you think you can tempt me into buying something else. Like these:

for $98. Because really, I need a good pair of jeans since not so many fit after having three babies, and I could wear $98 jeans forEVER. Jeans never go out of style, do they? But then, while I'm at it, maybe I could accessorize with this:
for $75????? but then I think - NO WAY - because I got almost the same damn bracelet on the clearance bin at - guess where - Old Navy, for about $5. But no matter, because at this point I'm so hopped up on the J. Crew Goofball that I think it is okay to get these shoes for my 10 month old:

that cost ONE HUNDRED FRIGGIN TWENTY EIGHT DOLLARS, and that she could wear twice before she outgrew them, or I could just go to Target and get her these:

that are on clearance for $10.49! And having saved $118, I could spend that money on myself to get this. amazing. skirt.
Okay - pretend that you are looking at a GOR-GEOUS twig colored sequin bedazzled silk chiffon pencil skirt here, but which is not listed on J. Crew's CRAPTASTIC website that takes FOREVER to load a photo, and said skirt is FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS and is SO limited edition that I couldn't even find a damn picture of it online ANYWHERE. Geez!

Now I feel bad that I can't find the photo of the skirt, after all of this build-up. To make it up to you, look at THIS adorable photo:

See - now doesn't that make you feel better that J. Crew is trying to ROB YOU BLIND? Me too.....




amy * stem * said...


chicfreakcubed said...

oh yoooou and your "test" comments....

Molly said...

You had me at "J. Crew" but the monkey sold it for me. Now I have to go to the damn website and buy something.

ShanAmy said...

Well, YOU couldn't get your test to work so SOMEONE had to take charge of this ship.

me (amy)

ShanAmy said...

I know - monkeys are VERY convincing, aren't they?
- Shan