Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Get Help

I wrote the following poem in 1994, after leaving an abusive relationship. I left in the middle of the night, literally holding one lens of my glasses up to my eye so I could see to drive to my parents' house, because my abuser had shoved me into the floor and broken my glasses. I was scared shitless running to my car, afraid he was running after me to drag me back into our apartment, like he had done on previous occasions to continue beating me. To those people who would say about Janey Rice "Why doesn't she just leave?" or "If it were me, he wouldn't do that and get away with it," well, I said those things too. I debated even putting this on Facebook because it's the most personal thing I could possibly share, but if someone else in this situation sees this and decides to leave their abuser, then it's worth it. If that someone is you, go to the Domestic Violence hotline here: 

http://www.thehotline.org/

Babylon
2/7/94

How he can make you feel your whole life
Your whole being is wrong
Like you’re the one who’s crazy
Like you’re betraying him
Even after the ugly words
The bouquets of bruises
The battered soul and tattered appearance
But that sickly-sweet, mothball and pipe-smoke scent of 
Claustrophobia is so strong
You’re smothering – 
Pieces of a puzzle you’ve worked on 
Your whole life, mostly finished
He rips away one by one
Chews them up so they’re 
Soggy, grey and lifeless,
Spits them out stomps on them
Like he did you, curled into that
Pathetic screaming ball at 2 in the morning,
Trying to shield yourself from fists and feet,
The shrapnel of his anger – 
Those puzzle pieces gone forever now
But parts of him still stick to me
Like leeches or wet leaves,
Burned in my brain
Butterflies of bruises alit on my arms
My thighs
Hideous Monarchs of yellow and green
Black and blue
Winged terrors that won’t fly away anytime soon
 And an endless cacophony of whys
In this Babylon of my mind
Fists and feet may break my bones and
Words will always hurt me – 
The only thing left is a shell
So fragile and cracked
With nothing left inside
Almost (nothing)
But some tiny (miniscule) spark screams
Save Yourself
I Think I Can
And I slip out the door like a thief in the night
Stealing back what was already mine.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Is This Thing On???

Don't know if anyone will even read this, but clearly blogging has not been in the forefront of my priorities the past several months. There has been a shit ton of stuff going on in life, mostly related to my job, which was the most stressful, painful time I have ever had in a job. I've worked for my employer for almost 11 years, and have always loved it. It's in the non-profit field, very small office - we had 4 employees as of last October. At that time, our VP took another job. This past May, our President retired, and in June our Office Manager left, which left ...guess who...THIS guy...there by myself. I was never sure how long it would last, IF it would last, when they would bring someone else in, and where I would land if/when they did. There were NUMEROUS times I was THISCLOSE to walking out the door without another job, but I didn't. The new President is in place, I like him, and I've decided to stick it out at least a little while. 

Hear me now and believe me later when I tell you the range of emotions and the depression I have felt in the past months affected me in every facet of my life. Coming home bawling every night, while Tom asked - "you're crying AGAIN?" incredulously, was soul-crushing. Don't get me wrong - I had moments of clarity when I realized that in the scheme of things, this was by far the worst thing that could happen - but when you're mired in the midst of it, sometimes it's difficult to see that. I DID come away with a renewed appreciation for my kids, and realized that their little messes, their tattling or bickering or general ornery-ness wasn't the worst thing in life. I did more yoga and pilates than ever before, which was a gift, simply speaking. It clears my head like almost nothing else. So. What has been going on with YOU, dear people? If anyone is out there, let me know. Here are some pics of the Blah-Blah life since March. Enjoy.

Don't get me wrong - though I did a lotta this:


We also did a lotta that:




some of this:


(because why WOULDN'T you wear a rubber horse's head to cheer yourself up???)

a good bit of cooking:


(This is literally the best thing I made all year - Asian Sesame Grilled Tuna Steak with orange glazed sweet potatoes and forbidden rice.)



Can't get enough tomato peach mozzarella caprese salad.


...and for the fourth of July...God bless lobster. I mean America.


New favorite necklace - the Gemini - from Charming Charlie's, along with new favorite Marrakech tee from Madewell...


Lookit that! Date night with mah hubby.


New favorite way to wear my bracelet (aka belt) around my bicep. It's very Game of Thrones chic. You may call me The Khaleesi.


Oh yeah, and this happened last week...




Pa, Ma and I were lucky enough to see the Prez land and shake his hand. A once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Happy Day, Luvahs.

Merci,
Shannan

Monday, March 31, 2014

Instagramalicious

I've been on Instagram more than ever lately, and thought I'd share some of my life via the camera roll lately. If you're an Instagrammer, look me up here. I ain't even gonna lie - this is a photo-heavy post, ya'll.

My first pair of Vans EVER. These babies are way past due. I can't seem to remove them from my feet.


Dinner last week - mussels in a beer/tomato broth - I was craving it alllll the live-long day, and this recipe satisfied. Nom nom nommmmm...




I was putting something away last week in my closet upstairs, and saw my wedding dress hanging there, so I did what anyone would do - put it on. Sigh. I miss wearing it.


New Kate Spade candy-striped bedding in mah bedroom.


Hung a curtain rod on the wall outside the kids' room to display their art. Melikey.


Triptych I did for the kids' room several years ago (copied from a CB2 shower curtain). I finally got around to hanging it a few weeks ago. 

Cool mid-century artwork I scored for fiddy cent at a garage sale for the kids' room.



Simon (aka Larry Mullen, Jr.) banging the drums. Bono - I'll be calling you to set up an interview...




Took the kids to our local School of Rock this weekend for a trial class. They had a blast. I just wish it weren't so damn expensive. Ah well.

It's never to early to have an Easter egg hunt.

I always feel like somebody's watchin meeee....

Ahhhhh, great end to a great weekend.

Merci,
Shan

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Surf's Up

I had a bit of a pinning frenzy the other day - all surf-related artwork. Here are my faves...
















What are YOU obsessing over these days? Share. This is a safe place.

Merci,
Shan



Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Random (p)Inspirations: Regrets


That I never moved to California. 


That I was not at the Top of the Rock the day that Jimmy Fallon and Jon Hamm photobombed all the tourists.


That this shirt is not already in my closet.


That I don't still have the macrame pot sling that hung in mom's house the entire time I was growing up.


That this quinoa salad is not in mah belly!


That I don't have an excellent vignette in my entryway.


That I didn't dye my hair pink 20 years ago.

Merci,
Shan

Monday, March 3, 2014

Sad Trombone

I just CANNOT with the Oscars' recap. Why? Because they underwhelmed me immensely. This is all I'll say...Why was Phil Dunphey doing color commentary with Giuliana Ransik on the red carpet? And two - this was the best look of the night, as far as I'm concerned...


But wait - there's more! Did you see the back?


Kate Hudson was the only one who made me gasp out loud when I saw her. Even It Girl Lupita Nyong'o, who looked beautiful, did not knock my socks off when I saw her like I did in that red dress with cape. Granted, I totally teared up when she won, and she gave my favorite speech of the night - amazing - with Jared Leto's speech a close second. Go figure. Jesus in a Tuxedo BROUGHT IT.

So I'm not going to do my usual recap, because there was a whole lotta skin-toned boring dresses, as far as I'm concerned. But who did YOU like? Share.

Merci,
Shan

Friday, February 28, 2014

Stuff I Would Kiss On the Mouf

It has been way too long since a "favorites" post, and I have several new items to add, so the time is ripe, kids. Let's taste the rainbow.

I'm a bit of a makeup/hair tutorial geek, and came across this channel recently on YouTube, which is now one of my favey crocketts: MakeupByAlli. I think it's safe to say Alli is a makeup geek herself, albeit a gorgeous, charming, funny, 20-something makeup geek (jerk). Kidding! I kid! I'm a kidder - I do NOT think she is a jerk. Just look at her:


See? Seriously - I get sucked into her channel for waaayy too long some nights. The video I embedded above is older - she is actually brunette now, and looks completely different (but still gorgeous). I just love love love her makeup SO hard in that video. I WISH I could pull it off, but alas, so far, I have not.

Soooo some of my new favey makeup items are thanks to Miz. Alli. Here they be:


Urban Decay's Naked palette. I know, I know - I'm tardy to the party on this one, but I love it nonetheless. I plan to add Naked 2 and 3 to my collection in the near future. Next!


Revlon Colorstay Whipped Creme Makeup in Warm Golden. I am forever looking for a good foundation, and everything I was finding just didn't give enough coverage, and I felt like it wore off by the end of the day. When I apply this with a damp makeup sponge, I love it. I use it in combination with:



Maybelline Instant Age Rewind concealer in Fair/Light, which I apply on my forehead, under my eyes, and down my nose. Use the damp sponge, and go over the concealed areas first, then dot on the Revlon whipped cream makeup on cheeks and blend that in. Voila!

Now on to the fun stuff:


Loreal Voluminous Smoldering Eyeliner in black and brown. Holy crap - why have I spent all these years using crappy eyeliner? This stuff goes on so smoothly it's ridiculous. I have been using it on my waterline and it doesn't bother my contacts. Love it.


Makeup Geek Pigments. Stop the presses. I have been reading about MAC's pigments for a while and wanted to try them, but the $21/color stopped me. The one I wanted was a duplicate for the pigment above in the bottom row all the way to the right - Blue Brown. When you wear it (I wear over a brown shadow), in one light it looks turqwaaaaz, and in another it looks brown. If you use MAC fix spray with it, you can use it like eyeliner. I also got the pigment above in the second row, second to the right. Love them both. You just have to use the tiniest bit to get a big impact, so I feel like my pots of pigment will last FOREVER. P.S. - Makeup Geek's pigments? Are $6.99. BOO-YAH. Next up?


Milani lipstick in Black Cherry and Best Red. You can find Milani at CVS, among other places, and the lipstick is $4.99 (and the day I was there they had a buy one get one 50% off, so SCORE). Finally?


NYX Butter Gloss in Cherry Pie. Love. This. Very opaque, gives great coverage, and I really love it over both of the lipsticks above. Not a true red, but with a hiiiint of burgundy. The price is right too - at Ulta, they're $4.99. Oh - wait - I thought I was finished but I'm not. One mo thang!!

Because I apparently wasn't already spending enough money on makeup stuff, I decided to go ahead and join Birchbox for 6 months, and in my first month got a sample of Harvey Prince's Hello perfume. HELLO indeed! I bought myself a full-sized bottle, cuz this stuff was yum. Very light, citrus scent with meyer lemon, mandarin, and pink plumeria. You need to TREAT YOSELF and get some, cuz it's worth it.

Okay - I think that is quite enough for now. Please share some of YOUR faves with me, cuz clearly I need to spend MORE money. Ahem. Stay gold, Ponyboy.

Merci,
Shan